Eye of the Needle

Time for some Spider-Woman, which means almost certainly misplaced comics and me forgetting what the hell’s going on. Also, probably some insanely misogynistic and disturbing imagery! Yeah? At least the cover of this is just standard-issue comic soft pr0n spandex, sans bondage. Perhaps with a new writer comes a newer, cleaner Spider-Woman.

My hopes that Gurenwald & Infantino will have a less offensive issue are quickly dashed, though, as we come to this panel on the second page:

Clear oral sex, rape, and domination imagery. I mean come on, Infantino even started to draw the Needle’s erect cock, and it’s just conveniently blocked by the victim’s arm. And even the name, and his weapon — the Needle? Really? Come ON!

It just gets worse from here, with the narration FILLED with double-entendres, and then another oral shot, this time featuring Jerry Hunt:

Once that unpleasantness is over with, we’re treated to a shot of Jessica Drew stripping out of her costume:

All of this is within the first four pages of content!

Seriously, it continues like this:

Money shot!

I hate this comic so much. ZERO!

Rating:

The Man Who Could Not Die!

The Suit!
Writer: Marv Wolfman
Pencils: Carmine Infantino
Inks: Al Gordon
Letters: John Costanza
Colors: Francoise M.
Originally published: November 1978

Another fucking bondage cover! This is insane! No, seriously, what’s all the constant bondage and rape imagery and misogyny and sexism in this series? How was this ever published?! It’s not just the cover, each issue it seems more and more that this is just a way for Wolfman and Infantino to get paid to jerk off to bondage and rape fantasies.

The first story is awful and stupid, the second one is too. At least the first one features Spider-Woman — ‘The Suit!’ has a bizarre, completely non-sensical cameo by her and that’s it.

Apparently in the first story it’s August 12, and the ground is covered in snow.

Rating:

July 4, 1978…

This was all kinds of terrible. One of the worst comics I’ve had so far. Since it’s the 4th of July here, it’s also in the wrong spot.

I don’t know which Brother Grimm appeared, so the tagging is just a guess.

Rating:

End of a Nightmare!!

This was mostly a big sorcery battle between Magnus and Morgan, with Spider-Woman in the middle of course. Werewolf by Night, a.k.a. Jack Russell, is also brought into it, but he’s pretty much useless.

My biggest complaint was the stupid and non-sensical narration by Jack Russell. It sucked.

Oh wait…an even bigger complaint: what’s up with the cover?! In issue 4 I was complaining about the sexism and bondage imagery, and here there’s even more of it. To make matters worse, this scene never even happens in the damn story. It’s just pure exploitation! I don’t know what’s up with Carmine Infantino, Marv Wolfman, and the editors, but this series has some really bad sexist overtones that I do not like.

Rating:

Nightmare

Spider-Woman!

This takes place basically immediately after issue 4, so it’s definitely in the wrong spot. Or #4 is, maybe that’s a better way to look at it.

In this issue, Spider-Woman is the prisoner of the Hangman and is driven almost insane by Morgan le Fay! That’s about it. It’s pretty ok, but the illusions/insanity thing gets a little tired.

Rating:

The Power of Electro!

Cool art in this one. It seemed really short for some reason, but maybe it just had a quick pace. It was a decent story about some kid with the Plague. Electro apparently dies, which is good — I like when characters die, if only because I like seeing how they’ll get revived later.

Rating:

Carrion, My Wayward Son!

Carrion is awesome and scary! He’s like a zombie Green Goblin! Unfortunately the awesome Carrion introduction is balanced out by dumb-shit White Tiger.

This issue could have been cool, but there are too many bad guys — Masked Marauder, Tri-Man, Carrion, some street toughs, a drug dealer. Come on dude. Also, Mantlo really needs to stop filling up Spidey’s book with friggin White Tiger crap.

Rating:

If Not For Love…

Super boring story that barely features Spidey. Here’s the thing with Dr. Strange stories — because they involve magic, anything can happen, and not in a good way. Every Dr. Strange story I read is the same: a bunch of crazy magic crap happens, and to fix it there’s some more crazy magic crap. This issue only featured the first half of that formula, with the second half I’m sure coming in the next issue.

Rating:

The Smoke of that Great Burning!

I don’t know what happened to my review of this issue, but it somehow got deleted. It’s a shame, because I really liked this issue and wrote nice things about it. Highlights:

• Amazing, fantastic art by everyone involved
• Sharp writing, with a different story that was a nice change of pace
• Classy dedication to NYC firefighters
• First Ralph Macchio credit in my project

Rating:

Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night!

This was gimmicky bullspit. Pete and MJ go see a taping of Saturday Night Live. When John Belushi receives a mysterious ring in the mail, though, things go down the shitter. The Silver Samurai shows up to retrieve it and for the entire length of the show, Spider-Man and the cast have to fight off him and his goons.

This was, in my opinion, terrible. Normally Spidey can be pretty funny, but here all the jokes fall flat — inexcusable in an SNL issue. The plot is completely nonsensical, The one good thing about it is that the art is passable, and the SNL cast actually look like the real actors (most of the time).

Rating:

Spider-Man Night Fever

Oh jeez, Spidey goes to the disco and fights a bad guy named the Hypno-Hustler. Give me a break.

Frank Springer’s art is weak.

Rating:

A Fluttering of Wings Most Foul!

Spider-Man and the Daredevil take on a bad guy named the Owl. His helicopter was very Nightowl-from-Watchmen-esque. There was nothing really special about this story, but it was entertaining enough.

I may have read this in the wrong order, as Spidey seems to be wary of cops, but in ASM 186 he was cleared of all his charges.

Rating:

Chaos is– the Chameleon!

There’s a panel here that references Doc Ock dying “last month off the New York coast” in “Mayhem in Manhattan…the Spidey novel.” WTF is this? There are novels that are considered canon? That’s bull, IMO. I’m going to assume that Wolfman just threw that in there because he was one of the writers, and that the book isn’t canon.

This issue is a pretty big milestone, because Spider-Man is officially cleared of all charges and suspicions by the DA and the police.

Rating:

The Graduation of Peter Parker

This story is supposedly about Peter’s graduation, but once he gets there he discovers — shock of all shocks — he is not graduating. At least not yet. It seems he forgot to take a gym class, and now he’ll have to make it up in the summer and graduate in September.

This was just filler and a tease. Why take away Pete’s graduation from him? From my point of view, it would have been nice to actually see him get through graduation successfully.

Rating:

Guess Who’s Buried in Grant’s Tomb!

Aw, man, I was hoping Zeck would be on this title permanently, or at least for awhile. Looks like we’re back with the regulars, though, and it just doesn’t look as good.

MJ is trying to date other guys, but the one she goes out with is a dork. Betty misses Ned. The White Tiger and Holly pine after each other. The A-plot is boring.

Rating:

By the Light of the Silvery Moon Knight!

Moon Knight. Is. Awesome. Also, really cool art by Zeck and Patterson, it’s a totally different style from what I’ve been seeing, and it works great.

I loved this issue!

Rating:

…Like a Diamond in the Sky!

This issue had Thor and Iron Man fighting a giant orbiting evil computer. It was really bad. Spidey appeared in one of those “what’s happening with the rest of the world” panels.

Rating:

Hell is the Hangman!

Briefly back to Spider-Woman!

Man, between the Brothers Grimm and the Hangman, this issue was pretty dark and creepy.

Everybody’s always calling Spider-Woman “woman” like it’s some kind of insult. This is something that happens fairly regularly in comics, but it’s really noticeable here, and really annoying. There’s also some more cheesecake shots in this issue, as well as some fairly bondagey scenes with Spider-Woman tied up in the Hangman’s ropes. I didn’t like the sexism and violence in that Spider-Woman: Origin book, but I see it has its roots back in this older series… I know the Hangman is supposed to be a creep, but some of it was just too much.

Maybe I’m just feeling whiney, but it irked me.

Rating:

Crack of the Whip!

Fairly boring issue that sees the return of Jean DeWolff and her brother, the Wraith. This was very bland, and Iron Man did basically nothing.

Rating:

Still Crazy After All These Years

MJ is totally sending Peter some mixed messages, but she still doesn’t want to marry him.

As far as bad guys go, the Scorpion re-emerges, ostensibly stronger and faster than ever. Spidey’s pissed and fed up, though, and just smashes the crap out of him. It’s really cool to see, and Scorpion’s demasking at the end was awesome.

Rating:

Spider, Spider, Burning Bright!

Spidey saves himself from that last predicament by covering himself in flame-retardant webbing and leaping free. Eventually he beats the White Dragon in a fairly boring showdown.

Rating:

White Dragon! Red Death!

Holy calamity, everything’s going down the shitter — Betty Brant left Ned! And now, she’s after dear ol’ recently-dumped Petey.

In other news, apparently John Jameson is ill and in cryogenic stasis. That’s weird.

The issue ends with Spider-Man boiling to death in a vat of burning oil. Good stuff!

Rating:

…And Where the Big Wheel Stops, Nobody Knows!

Spider-Man scares Aunt May into having a seizure / heart attack, and MJ rejects Pete’s proposal and dumps him. Harsh! If only the actual action and Spidey stuff in this issue had been interesting, it would have been a real winner. Sigh.

Rating:

The Rocket Racer’s Back in Town!

Finally we see MJ again, who apparently just lives in the hospital with Aunt May. We also learn that Spider-Man’s webbing has been getting weaker, which is interesting. Generally speaking, this issue was fairly boring.

EXCEPT THAT PETER PROPOSES TO MJ OMGZOZR!!11!

If not for that, this issue would get a 2. However, a proposal is a big deal, so it gets bumped up a whole 1.5 stars/spiders.

Rating:

Spider-Man Meets the Home Wrecker

July 1978:
Conan the Barbarian #88, Red Sonja #10, Invaders #30, Spider-Woman #4

August 1978:
Kid Colt Outlaw #225, Ghost Rider #31, Marvel Super Action #9, What If #10

Hostess ad that appeared in July and August 1978 in the titles above, and most likely others.

There’s absolutely nothing special about this offering. While I generally like the zaniness and light-heartedness of these ads, this one is rather stale (BAD PUN INTENDED).

Rating: