Dilemma!

50th issue! Aliens on the cover! What could go wrong?!

We open immediately following the events of the last issue, with Spidey and the Smuggler mid-fight. Actually, Spidey pretty much has the Smuggler tied up, but doesn’t know what to do with him. Eventually he ends up getting the guy to the cops, more or less, and the reader is happy to finally be done with that.

Later, Pete takes Deb Whitman to an engagement dinner for his Aunt May. While there, they are attacked by aliens! Similar aliens to the ones that were working with the Tinkerer back in Amazing Spider-Man 2! It seems that the aliens want information from Aunt May about Dutch Mallone, the gangster who had money hidden in the Parker house. But that’s dumb, because why would aliens want money? Well, Peter finds out that the aliens are working for Mysterio! I’m guessing they aren’t even aliens.

There’s a weird recap of Spidey’s origin story in this issue. Did any readers in 1981 really not know this by now? Seems like a waste of space.

I liked the engagement party / alien story line. I could have done without the Smuggler bit bleeding in from last issue.

Rating:

buy this issue at amazon.com

“To Judge a Nighthawk!”

The art in this is a really mixed bag. A lot of panels are very uninteresting, especially the backgrounds, and look like they’ve been crapped out really quickly. Some, though, are surprisingly bad-ass. Most of this bad-assedness seems to be coming from Esposito’s inks, which are really picking up the slack from Bingham and Sharen.

Kyle Richmond, a.k.a. Nighthawk, gets mixed up with a robot version of his dead girlfriend. It’s all some elaborate revenge plot masterminded by the actual dead girlfriend. See, everyone thought she died when Kyle was drunk driving 12 years earlier. It turns out, though, that she had just been paid off by Kyle’s dad after the accident and had been plotting this elaborate, dumb revenge ever since.

Unlike most of these issues, Nighthawk and Spider-Man don’t have a misunderstanding and fight. Instead, Spidey is just kinda helpful and they actually work together the whole time. The issue wasn’t especially good, but at least this change was refreshing. It made the whole thing a lot more readable.

Rating:

but this issue at amazon.com

In the Hands of Bullseye

This being a Daredevil comic, I really have no idea what’s going on. The issue starts with an epilogue to (I assume) the previous issue, which I have not read. Then the story begins, and I really don’t care about most of it.

Here’s the skinny for my purposes: some crap is happening, and while it’s happening, Peter and Mary-Jane walk by in one panel. Matt Murdock is jealous of them.

Rating:

Beware the Spider-Woman — Bounty Hunter!

Bring on… the Clown!
Script: Michael Fleisher
Pencils: Frank Springer
Inks: Mike Esposito
Letters: C. Robins
Colors: B. Sean
Originally published: January 1980

Enter the Gamesman
Script: Michael Fleischer
Artists: Trevor von Eedon, Mike Esposito
Letters: Robins
Colors: Gafford
Originally published: February 1980

Trapped–in the Doomsday Room!
Script: Michael Fleisher
Art: Trevor von Eedon, Mike Esposito
Letters: Jim Novak
Colors: Glynis Wein
Originally published: March 1980

To Free a Felon!
Script by: Michael Fleisher
Art by: Steve Leialoha
Letters by: Diana Albers
Colors: Glynis Wein
Originally published: April 1980

The Blades of the Grinder!
Script: Michael Fleisher
Art: S. Leialoha, M. Esposito & Associates
Colors: Gaff
Letters: Novak
Originally published: May 1980

I needed to read six issues of Spider-Woman. For the first five of these I’m pretty iffy on placement; the sixth also has Spider-Man in it, so I was pretty sure where it had to go. I decided to just read and review them all in one big bang.

So… I haven’t read any of these comics in about a year. I do not remember much about what was going on with Spider-Woman in her book, except that I remember not liking it and thinking it was full of weird pervy rape fantasies…OK, I just reread some of my last few posts on Spider-Woman and it seems like my memories are pretty much correct. I guess the last one I read involved Spider-Man and Spider-Woman meeting, so that’s something. Luckily, I also put a bit of a recap of what’s been going on in there.

When we last left Jessica Drew, she was about to embark on a new chapter of her life. Basically jobless and homeless, she was given a second chance by Spider-Man. Now (apparently a few weeks later), we open on her life having “changed suddenly and drastically, and never again will it be the same.”

Issue 21 actually starts out interesting, with a robbery and the revelation that JD is working undercover nearby, ostensibly to catch the thieves. It turns out Jess is making a living as a bounty hunter, working with a guy named Scotty McDowell. Just by capturing the jerks involved in that one heist, she made a cool twenty grand. Not bad work if you can get it, I guess. It makes my wonder how Pete Parker is always so broke. Stupid moral high ground doesn’t pay, I guess.

In addition to the new-found riches, we also learn that Jess has somehow inherited (I think?) a costume shop, and is living in a new place by herself. So she’s got that going for her, too.

OK, so this issue wasn’t bad at all. It did still involve Jessica getting naked, but I guess that’s just how this book rolls. At least it was in a fairly innocent manner this time — a shower after a long night — and not something lurid and sexed up. Not that lurid and sexed up is bad per se, but… I don’t know, this book certainly never seemed to do it right. ANYWAY WHATEVER.

It ends on a weird note with Scotty having dinner with Jess and pining after Spider-Woman. I can’t tell if he knows they’re one and the same.

ONWARDS TO ISSUE 22!

This issue starts off with a welcome piece of news: Jess is not just crime-fighting for the money. Her and Scotty — who figures shit out behind the scenes, and does research/analysis — decide to go after a serial-killing clown for which no reward is posted. Money and moral high ground! Best of both worlds!

(BTW… So far, Scotty’s character definitely brings to mind DC Comics’ Oracle: both are disabled crimefighters with computer/technical expertise, who provide valuable information to their superhero pals. Also, it’s hard to think of serial-killing clowns without thinking of the Joker. Especially when one of the victims in this comic says “What the heck are you, anyway? Some kinda Joker?!”. This Spider-Woman stuff was written years before The Killing Joke and Barbara Gordon’s transformation into Oracle. I’m definitely not implying anybody copied anybody, I just think the similarities, though slight, are interesting. COINCIDENCE CITY, USA.)

The issue follows Spider-Woman and the Killer Clown as their paths cross a few times — including a clown attack on JD’s friend Lindsay. Clown serial killers have the potential to be super scary, but this one ended up being more on the pathetic side. I would have preferred a little more creepiness. Also, the clown is a total woman-hater, and we end up with lines like “My wife thwarted me! Women thwarted me! Women destroyed me, as I shall destroy you!”. In isolation — fine, a woman-hating villain, no biggy. However, this totally fits in with the rest of the misogynistic vibe this comic has had for its entire run, and it really derails the whole thing for me. I guess it’s good that Spider-Woman usually triumphs over shit like this?

The end of this issue felt entirely rushed, but by that point I was glad to see it end.

In the beginning of issue 23, Spider-Woman gets called a bimbo by the chief of police and has some street toughs attack her so she can “show [them] all a good time”. She is unable to actually successfully fight off these common thugs, but luckily a (non-super-powered) man shows up to save her. And get this: the dude’s name is Mr. Braverman. Spider-Woman rewards the Brave Man for his brave manliness with a date and some french kissing. Stay classy, Fleisher.

Well, it turns out Tim Braverman is actually the Gamesman, a criminal matermind who has recently been a problem in LA, and who Spider-Woman and Scotty had been after. Tim hired the goons to attack Spider-Woman, and he set up the rescue to get close to her. Scotty, jealous genius that he is, figures this all out but insta-love-struck Spider-Woman ignores him and gets herself into a whole heap of trouble. Luckily good old Scotty and his six-shooter bust onto the scene in time to save the day!

But — even after Tim/The Gamesman dupes Spider-Woman, has her stun-gunned, ties her up to a pole, and lights the building she’s in on fire — even after that, Spider-Woman still thinks he’s a swell guy and makes out with him for a bit. Meanwhile, poor Scotty (who actually saved her and actually is a swell guy) gets rejected. Ain’t that always the way?

When issue 24 starts up, Tim is in jail and Spider-Woman is visiting him. Tim goes on to explain about his shitty upbringing and why he turned to a life of crime. (IT’S CAUSE HIS DAD WAS MEAN, YO.) Then he plays up how much he loves Spider-Woman and begs for her help in getting him out. Stupid idiot that she is, she goes along with it. I guess I should cut her some slack. I keep forgetting that mentally she’s actually quite young and naive, which might explain why she’s so easy to manipulate. And a shitty crimefighter.

Later, Spider-Woman gets ambushed and shot. There’s now a new Gamesman and he is after her. You see, the new Gamesman thinks Spider-Woman knows the whereabouts of the old Gamesman’s $10 million. But she doesn’t. So, he sets her up in an insanely convoluted death trap and leaves her alone without actually verifying that she’s died. Such a damned cliché. Dumb issue.

Issue 25 opens immediately following the end of 24, and Spider-Woman is in deep trouble. OF A DEADLY NATURE. The setup is thus: Jessica is chained to a stripper pole in the middle of a metal room. The floor, walls, ceiling and door of the room are electrified, and touching them will kill her. There is a bomb at the top of the stripper pole that will explode in one minute that will also kill her.

Spider-Woman escapes thusly: She notices that the door has a glass panel that is not electrified and that she could probably fit through. She climbs up her stripper pole to near the top, and snaps off the bottom of the pole. She then leaps off the top stub, using the snapped off pole as a pole vault thingy, and lunges towards the glass. She manages to smash all the way through it without actually touching any of the metal.

Since the new Gamesman foolishly assumes Spider-Woman is dead, he makes a fake Spider-Woman that he uses to bust the original Gamesman out of jail, in an attempt to find out where that $10 million is. Meanwhile, Jessica Drew lounges around her apartment in sexy lingerie and bathrobes. ZOMG THE FAKE SPIDER-WOMAN IS ACTUALLY JESS’S ACTRESS FRIEND LINDSAY MCCABE! When Lindsay inadvertently drops some hints to Jess, Jess is able to figure it all out and eventually save everyone. (Except the bad guys, they go to jail.)

Steve Leialoha’s art in this issue is really sucky, BTW. Lindsay McCabe, especially, looks like she’s a had a really bad collagen injection in her lips. And her eyes are crazy.

Finally we reach issue 26, in which Spider-Man briefly appears. The issue starts with Spider-Woman hanging out at the LA port, going after some hoods — The Desmond Boys — stealing a fur shipment. She gets them.

Meanwhile we’re introduced to Rupert Dockery, who has purchased the Los Angeles Courier newspaper. The guy is a creep. He almost gets fake kidnapped, but then Spider-Woman shows up and saves him. Dockery writes up the incident in his new newspaper, and I guess the story gets picked up by the wires or something, because next we see Spider-Man reading about it in New York. CAMEO OVER.

Dockery realizes that Spider-Woman sells papers, so he organizes a crime spree, turning a goon named Brute Bashby into a villain named the Grinder. Grinder then publicly challenges Spider-Woman and she goes after the guy. Bingo bango, there are your newspaper sales. They fight, she wins, Dockery is a douche, the end.

Whew! That was a lot of Spider-Woman! Lots of dumb clichés, lots of dumb plot holes, lots of unrealistic and out of character behaviour, occasionally shitty art, misogyny — and still an improvement over the older issues (or at least how I remember them). I’m glad to be done with these for a short bit.

I love the word “presently”, but Michael Fleisher uses it way too much.

Rating:

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death!

The Frightful Four — the Wizard, Trapster, Sandman and Electro — lure Spider-Man into a trap at the Statue of Liberty. They beat him up. That’s about it, really. At the end, Spidey is their prisoner and the Four are going to go attack the Fantastic Four. It was…ok? Nothing really new here, but it wasn’t a terrible read.

Rating:

One For Those Long Gone!

Not a super interesting episode, but Pollard and Mooney’s art was top-notch. The last few books I’ve read have looked really great.

Scourge of the Schizoid-Man!

A fairly mediocre outing, though much better than the last issue. Here Spidey fights that Chip kid, who has become The Schizoid Man. That part’s pretty dumb, unfortunately. The cool thing is that, back when Spidey helped beat the Lizard last time, he absorbed some kinda lizard rays that are changing him. He’s now a raging maniac, and at the end becomes the Spider-Lizard. Awesome.

Curt Connors forgets his own name:

Great art, at least in spots.

Rating:

Darkness, Darkness…

This issue has an awesome cover by Al Milgrom.

The Shroud story is continued, with Spidey fighting and then teaming up with the Shroud to defeat this hypnotic woman, Dansen Macabre. Dansen is part of a Shiva cult, and hates the Shroud because of his connection to Kali. Steven Grant has a really screwed up view of Hinduism.

At the end, Pete flies back to NYC.

Pretty standard issue, not great, not terrible.

Rating:

Rags to Riches!

This Team-Up issue ties into all the recent Spider-Woman stuff, specifically her encounters with Spider-Man, Werewolf by Night, the Enforcer and (I suspect) the Shroud.

It’s the last day of Pete’s LA trip, and as he’s trying to relax at a club he (along with WbN, Jack Russell) is confronted by a legitimately creepy baddy, Tatterdemalion. They fight, and we also see four other people acting super mysteriously. Tatter D. gets away with Jack Russell, leaving Spider-Man drugged and groggy.

Unfortunately, from that point it gets really weird and bad. Spidey ends up fighting Tatterdemalion in a sewer, then in a fight with a bunch of homeless people in a halfway house. As the story progresses, Tatterdemalion also becomes less creepy and more silly. It’s too bad Grant couldn’t keep up the momentum of the first few pages.

In the end we find out that one of the mysterious women from the beginning is “Dansen Macabre”, and there’s hint that the Shroud will be involved in the next issue. That might be interesting.

Rating:

Into the Heart of Darkness!

Finally, a halfway decent issue that managed to keep my attention! Spider-Woman teams up with the Shroud to fight a group of murdering cultists. This issue had action, decent pacing, and some lines that were almost funny. Crazy!

Rating:

Missing Angel

Angel is away from the X-Men, and they reminisce. Spidey appears in a flashback, in which he has trapped Angel in a web (presumably accidentally). Cool art, I really like Colleen Coover.

Rating:

Stan Lee Meets the Amazing Spider-Man

This issue is about Spidey wanting to quit super-heroing, and going to talk to Stan Lee about it. Alright, so…there’s no real reason this can’t be canon, since Stan Lee exists in the Marvel Universe — he even hosted Saturday Night Live back in that issue of Marvel Team-Up.

This was light-hearted, but for me…I dunno, most of the jokes fell flat. It wasn’t my cup of tea. The art, however, was really cool.

Seeing as how recently Spider-Man has kinda regained his motivation (post ASM-200), I don’t think this works quite right here. It should be moved back before that issue, possibly closer to Stan’s SNL appearance.

Rating:

Carnival of Souls!

Pat Broderick’s pencils have a very different feel than most other Spidey artists I’ve seen. It’s a cool and welcome change — spices things up a bit!

This issue was about a revived one-off character, Moondark, who was lame initially and slightly less lame this time. Actually, the book started off really cool and I was totally into it, but once Moondark introduced himself and every other word was “soul” it got very tedious. Oh well, it was orders of magnitude better than the crud Marvel Team-Up‘s been dishing out lately.

Rating:

Death on the Air

This was a decent done-in-one. My biggest complaint was that the tone of the book would have us believe that the villains were far more impressive than they were in actuality.

Rating:

A Child is Waiting

This was a mildly entertaining kidnapping caper, in which little Franklin Richards gets abducted and held for ransom. Spidey and the Invisible Girl team up to get him back, and everything ends up wonderful.

Rating:

Mysterio is Deadlier by the Dozen!

Except for JJJ having a nervous breakdown (or heart attack?), this was a fairly boring issue.

Rating:

The Kingpin’s Midnight Massacre!

Other than a brief Daily Bugle interlude, this whole issue is a fight in which the Kingpin kicks the crap out of Spidey. The only reason Spider-Man is alive at the end is because Kingpin chooses the love of his wife over vengeance against Spider-Man.

It was alright, I guess, but the fighting got kind of boring after awhile.

Rating:

Nine Lives Has the Black Cat!

This Black Cat issue wasn’t as good. The banter between the Cat and Spider-Man seemed more forced, and the story wasn’t really as interesting. The bits of the issue that were good were that Spidey broke his arm and that the Burglar convinced Aunt May’s nursing home to (falsely) inform Pete that Aunt May had died.

Rating:

Wanted for Murder: Spider-Man!

Well, that didn’t take long, did it? It was only just recently that Spidey was cleared of all charges by the cops, and here is wanted for murder again — at least by J. Jonah Jameson.

The Spider-Slayer bit of this story was thankfully brief. This issue really served as mostly a setup for the next one, in which we can expect a major confrontation between Spidey and Jonah, and Peter and MJ.

Rating:

Carrion, My Wayward Son!

Carrion is awesome and scary! He’s like a zombie Green Goblin! Unfortunately the awesome Carrion introduction is balanced out by dumb-shit White Tiger.

This issue could have been cool, but there are too many bad guys — Masked Marauder, Tri-Man, Carrion, some street toughs, a drug dealer. Come on dude. Also, Mantlo really needs to stop filling up Spidey’s book with friggin White Tiger crap.

Rating:

Again, The Enforcers!

The Enforcers are back! Including a new Ox, which is just weird. They are being led by Lightmaster, one of the lamest Spidey villains ever.

After stinking it up a couple issues ago, Buscema kicks ass here! His Enforcers look great!

The issue is mostly a little boring, and the fact that Hector Ayala is in it really irks me. At the end, Lightmaster thinks that Hector is Spider-Man, which means I’m going to have to deal with more White Tiger crap shortly.

Rating:

Whatever Happened to the Iceman?

Spidey’s in LA! Apparently the Champions are splitting up, and Pete’s there to cover it. Unfortunately, Iceman is zombified into being a bad guy. The issue ends with a tense standoff.

Rating:

And Only the Invisible Girl Can Save Us Now!

This issue opens with a really dirty-hot ass-shot of Spider-Woman. It’s fairly pornographic. Ron Wilson: tsk tsk.

Alicia is really cool spider-monster. Not only does she have eight actual huge spider legs in addition to her own human limbs, she also spits webs. That’s bad-ass. Unfortunately, at the end of this issue she gets cured and is back to normal.

Rating:

Spider-Man “Spoils a Snatch”

March 1978:
Man from Atlantis #2, Conan the Barbarian #84, Defenders #57, Red Sonja #8, Daredevil #151, Black Panther #8

April 1978:
Conan the Barbarian #85, What If #8, Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #17

Hostess ad that appeared in March and April 1978 in the titles above, and most likely others.

Pete and MJ are at a museum when an unnamed bad guy tries to steal the Cope Emerald, leading Pete to quickly make excuses and change into Spidey. This particular bad guy can project “hundred of images” (sic) of himself, making it hard to determine where the real one is. Spidey tracks down the real villain by tossing some Hostess Cup Cakes on the ground, knowing they will be irresistible to any real human. The plan works, and the bad guy is caught! Pete returns to MJ and explains that he just stepped out to pick up some Hostess Cup Cakes of his own.

Kind of boring, and I wish the bad guy had been named.

Rating:

Big Apple Battleground!

I have a problem with the Punisher appearing in Spidey comics. The Punisher is all about killing bad guys. That’s his schtick. But, when he teams up with Spider-Man, we’re always supposed to believe that Spider-Man is able to stop him from killing for this one mission. It makes no sense at all, and it’s a cheapening of the Punisher’s character.

Looks like the Green Goblin is back — but who is behind the mask?!?!

Rating: