Karma!

The 100th issue of Marvel Team-Up! Spidey and the Fantastic Four! Surely it must be amazing? I hope… This issue was apparently inspired by Ithacon ’79. Given the quality level the last time a story was inspired by a con, I’m not optimistic.

…and I was right to feel that way. The issue was bad enough that it took me almost a month to get through it and review it. Suck. The formula was exactly the same as usual for Team-Up: misunderstanding leads to heroes fighting, they make up, team-up, and triumph. I doze off.

Update: a lot of people really seem to like this issue. Maybe I’m crazy? I still think it’s bad.

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buy on amazon.com: single issue or trade paperback

Sword of the She-Devil

In this issue, some creep named Kulan Gath possesses the body of a museum security guard and Red Sonja possesses the body of Mary-Jane Watson. You know, because they both have red hair. It’s really terrible, and clearly just a ploy to sell Red Sonja comics to Spidey fans (although I guess that’s kinda the point of Team-Up as a whole).

So, this takes place December 22, before the new school year and while Pete is still working at the Globe. That makes it especially strange that he is at the Bugle Christmas party, that Jameson gave him a bonus, and that he got sent on assignment. However, it’s not crazy, as he still has lots of friends at the Bugle, did work there for part of the year thus perhaps earning a bonus, and is freelance so still able to take the assignment when nobody else was able. An annoying little chronological glitch, but not the end of the world.

Oh, you know what else is weird? Clark Kent is at the Bugle Christmas Party.

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Mesmero’s Revenge!

First the fashion industry, and now Broadway. Spidey’s really taking an interest in the arts. Unfortunately, though, this battle with Mesmero was once again a complete misfire. And what was with that drug dealer that kept showing up? Did he have a point?

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Pretty Poison

Sweet cover! Brutal issue, though. Spider-Man saves the fashion world! I certainly hope Madam Belladonna never makes a reappearance.

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When a Spider-Man Comes Calling!

The Frightful Four, with Spider-Man held captive, attack the Fantastic Four.

Surprisingly, this continuation of the story in Spectacular 42 was even worse than the first part. Once again it was almost entirely one big fight scene; no character development, no plot, no surprises. And, frankly, the fight itself even kinda sucked.

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Where Demons Feat To Dwell!

Another disappointing Dazzler issue. This one consisted almost entirely of a fight between about a million heroes and a bunch of demons called forth by the Enchantress. It was really boring and, even though the winning blow went to the Dazzler, it again seemed like a way to distract the readers from the title character.

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Labyrinth

To refresh my own memory, here’s what’s happened recently in Spidey’s world:

• in Captain America 237, Peter Parker photographed Cap at a press conference
• in Marvel Team-Up 91, Spidey and Ghost Rider helped defeat an evil freak show operator
• Peter Parker got messed up by some kinda force waves in FF Annual 14
• Spidey is in NYC for the whole Dark Phoenix thing in X-Men 135

In other words: not much is going on! I think it’s around end of summer / beginning of autumn right now, and I can’t really recall many of the major plot developments of late.

Time to move this gravy train forward.

This issue sees the return of the Mindworm, unfortunately. This seems to be capitalizing on the late 70s psychiatry/pyschoanalysis surge, and has Spidey and a Damsel In Distress “trapped inside [Mindworm's] neuroses”. Gimme a break. It’s a lot like the movie The Cell, only worse.

Lee Elias’s pencils are kind of off, too. He doesn’t really seem to have Spider-Man down.

Overall, not a very good issue to come back to after my break.

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Spider-Man in “Hotshot on the Block.”

June 1979:
Conan the Barbarian #99, Defenders #72, Thor #284, Fantastic Four #207

Hostess ad that appeared in June 1979 in the titles above, and most likely others.

Spidey battles his “old enemy”, Hotshot. Thinking quickly he, as usual, distracts the bad guy with Hostess Twinkies. Unfortunately these ads seem to be more uninspired than in the past. This was just boring.

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If I’m to Live…My Love Must Die!

Another boring Claremont issue that is basically two simultaneous long fights. I’m glad I’m done with this particular story.

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If Not For Love…

Super boring story that barely features Spidey. Here’s the thing with Dr. Strange stories — because they involve magic, anything can happen, and not in a good way. Every Dr. Strange story I read is the same: a bunch of crazy magic crap happens, and to fix it there’s some more crazy magic crap. This issue only featured the first half of that formula, with the second half I’m sure coming in the next issue.

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Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night!

This was gimmicky bullspit. Pete and MJ go see a taping of Saturday Night Live. When John Belushi receives a mysterious ring in the mail, though, things go down the shitter. The Silver Samurai shows up to retrieve it and for the entire length of the show, Spider-Man and the cast have to fight off him and his goons.

This was, in my opinion, terrible. Normally Spidey can be pretty funny, but here all the jokes fall flat — inexcusable in an SNL issue. The plot is completely nonsensical, The one good thing about it is that the art is passable, and the SNL cast actually look like the real actors (most of the time).

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Spider-Man Meets the Home Wrecker

July 1978:
Conan the Barbarian #88, Red Sonja #10, Invaders #30, Spider-Woman #4

August 1978:
Kid Colt Outlaw #225, Ghost Rider #31, Marvel Super Action #9, What If #10

Hostess ad that appeared in July and August 1978 in the titles above, and most likely others.

There’s absolutely nothing special about this offering. While I generally like the zaniness and light-heartedness of these ads, this one is rather stale (BAD PUN INTENDED).

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Night of the Dragon

Sweet Jesus, more kung-fu crap. Spidey was barely even in this!

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At Last: The Decision!

A new set of Avengers is chosen. It very much resembles the existing lineup. There are lot of flashbacks, including one with Spidey. This was kind of like a crappy clips episode of a sitcom.

Why is Ben Grimm human, but wearing a Thing costume? I’ve clearly missed something there.

I probably shouldn’t have this smack dab in the middle of a cliffhanger.

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Through the Rat Hole– Into the Cat’s Lair!

I didn’t know what was going on, and I didn’t like it. It was super weird. It’s entirely possible I’d like it more if I had been reading it regularly.

Pete appears at the Bugle during one scene.

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Omega the Unknown

James-Michael Starling

el gato

What is Happening?

The Daily Bugle here says April 11, 1976. Does that fit in with my current chronology? Nope. Marvel Team-Up 39 specifically mentioned that it is set in “New York in August.” What can I do about this? Well, nothing in here is really relevant to any of the Spider-Man stuff – it just involves Pete briefly showing up to ask Daredevil a question – so this issue could fit in pretty much anywhere as far as I’m concerned. I would be inclined to place it immediately before Team-Up 39.

This issue is about the Jester framing the Daredevil for murder. It’s all very convoluted and confusing, and I didn’t much like it.

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Masterstroke! / Cross…and Double-Cross! / Pinnacle of Doom!

Fu Manchu

Shang-Chi

So we move from racist stereotypes of one kind directly to another. I’m not into the whole kung-fu thing, and I’m not into the extreme yellow that Shang-Chi is coloured. I’m also just not a big fan of these Giant-Size books, they really tend to drag.

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Ship of Fiends! / The Masque of the Black Death!

Some of the art in here was really kinda bad, and I think I mostly blame Don Heck. The story was also super, super boring. Seriously. It was about Spider-Man trying to find some doctor to get a flu vaccine for Aunt May, and it was stretch to 39 damned pages. Come on. Dracula and Spider-Man never even interact, except for bumping into each other in a hall! WTF?! I’m also getting pretty sick of all the vampires and werewolves. Enough is enough.

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The Messiah Machine!

Hawkeye and Spider-Man fight the robot Quasimodo. Hawkeye’s simultaneous defeat of all the robots around, including Quasimodo, is just far too preposterous. The story was pretty precarious too begin with, and that ending just pushed it over the edge into absurdity.

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Spidey Cops Out!

We start with Spidey dropping an unconscious Gibbon off at the hospital, then get two pages of flashback through his life. It’s total filler and really boring.

This issue doesn’t really start until halfway down the fourth page, which just makes me angry. Spider-Man is looking for Aunt May and decides not to get involved with some crimes he sees on the way. He’s pretty selfish, but that’s not too unusual for Peter. Selfish and paranoid, that’s Pete.

This issues sucks, man. It’s all about Aunt May being missing. Can’t the old bird just go on vacation, have some fucking privacy? What the shit. And I have to deal with Conway and his damned “bright eyes” comments.

At the end, working under the assumption that May has been kidnapped, Spidey runs into Doc Ock.

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The Power to Purge!

This story starts where Amazing 102 left off, with Morbius apparently drowning and Spidey taking off (though there’s a bit of a flub, as Spider-Man is pictured here with only two arms). Morbius lives, though, and is pulled from the river by a doomed youth.

The issue then fast-forwards to sometime in the middle of Amazing 105, probably right after Harry’s party. Spider-Man is swinging around the city and is overcome by dizziness and ineptitude. He passes out on a roof. Meanwhile Morbius’s GF Martine shows up at the Baxter Building and Johnny (having apparently heard about Spidey’s previous run-in with the vampire) heads out to find ESU professor Hans Jorgenson, whom Morbius had been in communication with. In Long Island, we learn that Morbius didn’t kill the kid that pulled him out of the water, but instead turned Jefferson Bolt into another vampire. Morbius, with Jefferson close behind, also heads for the campus to look for that professor. Finally, Spidey heads off to the same damned place in search of the same guy – his bio professor, Jorgenson – to look for help with his illness. Everyone’s heading to the same spot.

The Torch arrives at Jorgenson’s class first, followed by Spidey. Shortly afterwards, Morbius shows up and kills a drunk. Spider-Man goes apeshit on him, and the Torch has to pull Spidey off (which is dumb). The Torch tries to stop Morbius, but Spidey seems to be completely losing it. He’s effed up. Then all hell breaks loose, spurned by Jefferson Bolt and his still-human brother. Basically a bunch of students freak out and start attacking the super-heroes. Morbius then bites Jeff’s brother Jacob and kills Jefferson.

The issue ends with Morbius taking off and absolutely no resolution of any kind, and without an interesting cliffhanger or story thread to pick up on later. I’m sure Spidey’s illness was caused by the Morbius enzyme he injected himself with, but I don’t care. I’m sure Jorgenson will help solve the problem, but I don’t care. I was interested in having Jefferson, a second vampire, around but that got kiboshed.

This issue was an insane muddled mess – as I’m sure my recap above was. It was really bad. Also, Gerry Conway’s narration style really started to get on my nerves.

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The Beauty and the Brute

• Ka-Zar saves Spider-Man from quicksand.
• Spider-Man pretty much admits to Ka-Zar that he’s Peter Parker by continuously referring to his love of Gwen Stacy.
• backstory: Kraven came to kill Ka-Zar, found an infant Gog in a crashed spaceship, rescued him and raised him.
• Spidey and Ka-Zar and Zabu rescue Gwen and defeat Kraven.
• Kraven goes flying off a cliff. I wish he stayed dead, I hate Kraven stories. But I’m pretty sure he’s not.
• Spidey traps poor Gog in the quicksand. He basically murders the relatively innocent alien.
• Everyone goes home happy, though without the photos they came for.

This is still a shitty King Kong rip-off tribute. They refer to Kong a couple times, which just makes it more annoying.

I’m really starting to hate Gil Kane. Check out this terrible panel. That’s supposed to be Peter on the left. He looks like a 50-year-old bloated corpse.

I hated this issue.

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A Day in the Life of–

Pete and Gwen making out, being in love, etc. = nice but boring. Pete is going to propose to Gwen, but realizes he needs some money first. He heads to the Bugle and they assign him to a prison riot where the warden is being held hostage. Smart kid that he his, Pete demands a good price for his photos as well as a salary. Then it’s off to the prison, in full Spidey regalia!

When he gets there, Spider-Man finds out that the prisoners are simply fighting for their rights, including the right to a speedy trial. The leader of the riot, Turpo, is just using this to as a distraction while he orchestrates his own escape. Spidey busts in, busts up Turpo and his men, and stops the riot. The warden agrees to the help the prisoners with their complaints.

On his way home, Spider-Man sees Johnny Carson, who offers to put him on TV. Spidey on TV — that’s never been a plot before. When he gets on the show, Spidey gets up on his soapbox and starts talking about the state of the jails. Could this issue be any more boring? As he’s preaching about the justice system, the cops show up to arrest him. Kind of ironic I guess, but certainly not interesting.

Terrible, terrible issue. Even Gil Kane’s art, which I usually kinda like, looked pretty shitty here.

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Out of the Blue (Into the Fire)

Broken!
Writer: Eric Stephenson
Penciler: Keith Giffen
Inks: Andy Smith, Jimmy Palmiotti, Scott Elmer, Rodney Ramos
Originally published: May 1999

With Everything to Lose
Writer: Eric Stephenson
Artist: Andy Smith
Originally published: June 1999

The notes on the first issue say that this occurs right after Silver Surfer Vol. 1 #18, which I didn’t read. The issues makes reference to the fight with the Silver Surfer in issue 14, too, and Spidey says it happened “a few weeks back”. I’m going to have to rethink this ordering a bit.

The art in this is pretty dark and sort of weird looking. It reminds me of Batman a little, at least at the beginning. I dunno, it’s not bad, but it’s not my thing.

The first issue concerns the Silver Surfer going ballistic and attacking the city. It turns out he’s under the control of some weirdo named the Psycho Man “from the microverse of Sub-Atomica”. I was going to review/summarize all these, but they’re just bad. Really bad. I can’t bring myself to do it.

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Up Against the Wall!

I haven’t seen Captain America in awhile, and I’m not entirely clear what’s going on with his storyline. Apparently he’s retired or something, and he was in a movie with the Hulk. Weird. Now he’s touring the countryside, taking some time for himself.

Cap finds himself in the middle of a student riot. His involvement is noticed by a henchman for The Hood, some weirdo whose dastardly plan is to put Cap on TV and use him to turn the country against its youth. When Cap deviates from his script, the Hood sends Batrock, Porcupine, and Whirlwind after him. I’m almost certain it makes no sense. In fact, the entire issue makes almost no sense, something that Stan warns the reader of on the splash page.

Pete shows up in one panel to take pictures of the fight. Again, it makes no sense.

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