“To Judge a Nighthawk!”

The art in this is a really mixed bag. A lot of panels are very uninteresting, especially the backgrounds, and look like they’ve been crapped out really quickly. Some, though, are surprisingly bad-ass. Most of this bad-assedness seems to be coming from Esposito’s inks, which are really picking up the slack from Bingham and Sharen.

Kyle Richmond, a.k.a. Nighthawk, gets mixed up with a robot version of his dead girlfriend. It’s all some elaborate revenge plot masterminded by the actual dead girlfriend. See, everyone thought she died when Kyle was drunk driving 12 years earlier. It turns out, though, that she had just been paid off by Kyle’s dad after the accident and had been plotting this elaborate, dumb revenge ever since.

Unlike most of these issues, Nighthawk and Spider-Man don’t have a misunderstanding and fight. Instead, Spidey is just kinda helpful and they actually work together the whole time. The issue wasn’t especially good, but at least this change was refreshing. It made the whole thing a lot more readable.

Rating:

but this issue at amazon.com

And Machine Man Makes 3

I liked Machine Man in the MTU Annual I just read, so I was excited about this team-up between him and Spidey, fighting Baron Brimstone and Sandman. By the way, I don’t know if Sandman’s costume will ever change again, but I certainly hope so. His current costume is sooooo bad.

Baron Brimstone breaks himself and the Sandman out of prison. Brimstone has a vendetta against Machine Man, and he’s bringing Sandman along for the ride. When Peter Parker hears of the prison escape, he involves himself. From there this takes a very stale, very predictable course for Marvel Team-Up: Spidey and Machine Man encounter each other; fight for no reason, allowing the bad guys to escape; put aside their differences and team-up; and finally, beat the bad guy and save the girl. So many issues of Team-Up play out exactly like this (including the Annual I just read, though at least that was a little longer and more interesting).

So, unfortunately, the good times with Machine Man that I was hoping for ended up fairly stale. Ho hum.

Rating:

Monster in the Meadow / Payoff / Heroes for Hire / The Men and the Machine / Confrontations

As tends to be the case with annuals, this is a big honking issue. Unfortunately, Spider-Man only appears very briefly, observing a fight between a blackmailer and Luke Cage and Iron Fist.

The issue is a bit convoluted and long, but overall a decent read. Some of the art is nice.

Rating:

Blacked Out — By the Enforcer!

That Scotty Should Not Die!
Writing: Michael Fleisher
Penciling: Stephen Leialoha
Inking: Michael Esposito
Lettering & Coloring: Parker, Hannigan
Originally published: July 1980

Spider-Man is Dead — And I Killed Him!
Script by: Michael Fleisher
Art by: Ernie Chan, Frank Springer
Colors by: Ben Sean
Letters by: Diana Albers
Originally published: August 1980

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I had written a super long post about these three issues and when I hit “publish” it totally disappeared. Aaaaaaaagh!

So mad. I’m not rewriting it. FUCK!

Rating:

Vengeance is Mine–Sayeth the Sword!

For continuity purposes I’ve split this issue up and thrown a whole mess of comics in the middle. This is the first part (up to the end of the 5th page of comic, which is numbered as ’7′).

It’s midnight, and our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man is checking out what appears to be a robbery at the waterfront. Just as he’s about to intervene, a masked figure with a sword descends and takes out the thieves for him. It’s Raper! He’s pretty suave. Spidey, recognizing that he may be outclassed, decides to help out a little.

Once they’re done cleaning up the mess, Spidey and Rapier exchange some pleasantries, and both are off…

Split like this, it’s just a short and sweet encounter, and definitely piques my interest for later.

Rating:

Beware the Spider-Woman — Bounty Hunter!

Bring on… the Clown!
Script: Michael Fleisher
Pencils: Frank Springer
Inks: Mike Esposito
Letters: C. Robins
Colors: B. Sean
Originally published: January 1980

Enter the Gamesman
Script: Michael Fleischer
Artists: Trevor von Eedon, Mike Esposito
Letters: Robins
Colors: Gafford
Originally published: February 1980

Trapped–in the Doomsday Room!
Script: Michael Fleisher
Art: Trevor von Eedon, Mike Esposito
Letters: Jim Novak
Colors: Glynis Wein
Originally published: March 1980

To Free a Felon!
Script by: Michael Fleisher
Art by: Steve Leialoha
Letters by: Diana Albers
Colors: Glynis Wein
Originally published: April 1980

The Blades of the Grinder!
Script: Michael Fleisher
Art: S. Leialoha, M. Esposito & Associates
Colors: Gaff
Letters: Novak
Originally published: May 1980

I needed to read six issues of Spider-Woman. For the first five of these I’m pretty iffy on placement; the sixth also has Spider-Man in it, so I was pretty sure where it had to go. I decided to just read and review them all in one big bang.

So… I haven’t read any of these comics in about a year. I do not remember much about what was going on with Spider-Woman in her book, except that I remember not liking it and thinking it was full of weird pervy rape fantasies…OK, I just reread some of my last few posts on Spider-Woman and it seems like my memories are pretty much correct. I guess the last one I read involved Spider-Man and Spider-Woman meeting, so that’s something. Luckily, I also put a bit of a recap of what’s been going on in there.

When we last left Jessica Drew, she was about to embark on a new chapter of her life. Basically jobless and homeless, she was given a second chance by Spider-Man. Now (apparently a few weeks later), we open on her life having “changed suddenly and drastically, and never again will it be the same.”

Issue 21 actually starts out interesting, with a robbery and the revelation that JD is working undercover nearby, ostensibly to catch the thieves. It turns out Jess is making a living as a bounty hunter, working with a guy named Scotty McDowell. Just by capturing the jerks involved in that one heist, she made a cool twenty grand. Not bad work if you can get it, I guess. It makes my wonder how Pete Parker is always so broke. Stupid moral high ground doesn’t pay, I guess.

In addition to the new-found riches, we also learn that Jess has somehow inherited (I think?) a costume shop, and is living in a new place by herself. So she’s got that going for her, too.

OK, so this issue wasn’t bad at all. It did still involve Jessica getting naked, but I guess that’s just how this book rolls. At least it was in a fairly innocent manner this time — a shower after a long night — and not something lurid and sexed up. Not that lurid and sexed up is bad per se, but… I don’t know, this book certainly never seemed to do it right. ANYWAY WHATEVER.

It ends on a weird note with Scotty having dinner with Jess and pining after Spider-Woman. I can’t tell if he knows they’re one and the same.

ONWARDS TO ISSUE 22!

This issue starts off with a welcome piece of news: Jess is not just crime-fighting for the money. Her and Scotty — who figures shit out behind the scenes, and does research/analysis — decide to go after a serial-killing clown for which no reward is posted. Money and moral high ground! Best of both worlds!

(BTW… So far, Scotty’s character definitely brings to mind DC Comics’ Oracle: both are disabled crimefighters with computer/technical expertise, who provide valuable information to their superhero pals. Also, it’s hard to think of serial-killing clowns without thinking of the Joker. Especially when one of the victims in this comic says “What the heck are you, anyway? Some kinda Joker?!”. This Spider-Woman stuff was written years before The Killing Joke and Barbara Gordon’s transformation into Oracle. I’m definitely not implying anybody copied anybody, I just think the similarities, though slight, are interesting. COINCIDENCE CITY, USA.)

The issue follows Spider-Woman and the Killer Clown as their paths cross a few times — including a clown attack on JD’s friend Lindsay. Clown serial killers have the potential to be super scary, but this one ended up being more on the pathetic side. I would have preferred a little more creepiness. Also, the clown is a total woman-hater, and we end up with lines like “My wife thwarted me! Women thwarted me! Women destroyed me, as I shall destroy you!”. In isolation — fine, a woman-hating villain, no biggy. However, this totally fits in with the rest of the misogynistic vibe this comic has had for its entire run, and it really derails the whole thing for me. I guess it’s good that Spider-Woman usually triumphs over shit like this?

The end of this issue felt entirely rushed, but by that point I was glad to see it end.

In the beginning of issue 23, Spider-Woman gets called a bimbo by the chief of police and has some street toughs attack her so she can “show [them] all a good time”. She is unable to actually successfully fight off these common thugs, but luckily a (non-super-powered) man shows up to save her. And get this: the dude’s name is Mr. Braverman. Spider-Woman rewards the Brave Man for his brave manliness with a date and some french kissing. Stay classy, Fleisher.

Well, it turns out Tim Braverman is actually the Gamesman, a criminal matermind who has recently been a problem in LA, and who Spider-Woman and Scotty had been after. Tim hired the goons to attack Spider-Woman, and he set up the rescue to get close to her. Scotty, jealous genius that he is, figures this all out but insta-love-struck Spider-Woman ignores him and gets herself into a whole heap of trouble. Luckily good old Scotty and his six-shooter bust onto the scene in time to save the day!

But — even after Tim/The Gamesman dupes Spider-Woman, has her stun-gunned, ties her up to a pole, and lights the building she’s in on fire — even after that, Spider-Woman still thinks he’s a swell guy and makes out with him for a bit. Meanwhile, poor Scotty (who actually saved her and actually is a swell guy) gets rejected. Ain’t that always the way?

When issue 24 starts up, Tim is in jail and Spider-Woman is visiting him. Tim goes on to explain about his shitty upbringing and why he turned to a life of crime. (IT’S CAUSE HIS DAD WAS MEAN, YO.) Then he plays up how much he loves Spider-Woman and begs for her help in getting him out. Stupid idiot that she is, she goes along with it. I guess I should cut her some slack. I keep forgetting that mentally she’s actually quite young and naive, which might explain why she’s so easy to manipulate. And a shitty crimefighter.

Later, Spider-Woman gets ambushed and shot. There’s now a new Gamesman and he is after her. You see, the new Gamesman thinks Spider-Woman knows the whereabouts of the old Gamesman’s $10 million. But she doesn’t. So, he sets her up in an insanely convoluted death trap and leaves her alone without actually verifying that she’s died. Such a damned cliché. Dumb issue.

Issue 25 opens immediately following the end of 24, and Spider-Woman is in deep trouble. OF A DEADLY NATURE. The setup is thus: Jessica is chained to a stripper pole in the middle of a metal room. The floor, walls, ceiling and door of the room are electrified, and touching them will kill her. There is a bomb at the top of the stripper pole that will explode in one minute that will also kill her.

Spider-Woman escapes thusly: She notices that the door has a glass panel that is not electrified and that she could probably fit through. She climbs up her stripper pole to near the top, and snaps off the bottom of the pole. She then leaps off the top stub, using the snapped off pole as a pole vault thingy, and lunges towards the glass. She manages to smash all the way through it without actually touching any of the metal.

Since the new Gamesman foolishly assumes Spider-Woman is dead, he makes a fake Spider-Woman that he uses to bust the original Gamesman out of jail, in an attempt to find out where that $10 million is. Meanwhile, Jessica Drew lounges around her apartment in sexy lingerie and bathrobes. ZOMG THE FAKE SPIDER-WOMAN IS ACTUALLY JESS’S ACTRESS FRIEND LINDSAY MCCABE! When Lindsay inadvertently drops some hints to Jess, Jess is able to figure it all out and eventually save everyone. (Except the bad guys, they go to jail.)

Steve Leialoha’s art in this issue is really sucky, BTW. Lindsay McCabe, especially, looks like she’s a had a really bad collagen injection in her lips. And her eyes are crazy.

Finally we reach issue 26, in which Spider-Man briefly appears. The issue starts with Spider-Woman hanging out at the LA port, going after some hoods — The Desmond Boys — stealing a fur shipment. She gets them.

Meanwhile we’re introduced to Rupert Dockery, who has purchased the Los Angeles Courier newspaper. The guy is a creep. He almost gets fake kidnapped, but then Spider-Woman shows up and saves him. Dockery writes up the incident in his new newspaper, and I guess the story gets picked up by the wires or something, because next we see Spider-Man reading about it in New York. CAMEO OVER.

Dockery realizes that Spider-Woman sells papers, so he organizes a crime spree, turning a goon named Brute Bashby into a villain named the Grinder. Grinder then publicly challenges Spider-Woman and she goes after the guy. Bingo bango, there are your newspaper sales. They fight, she wins, Dockery is a douche, the end.

Whew! That was a lot of Spider-Woman! Lots of dumb clichés, lots of dumb plot holes, lots of unrealistic and out of character behaviour, occasionally shitty art, misogyny — and still an improvement over the older issues (or at least how I remember them). I’m glad to be done with these for a short bit.

I love the word “presently”, but Michael Fleisher uses it way too much.

Rating:

Bewitched, Bothered and Be-Dazzled!

I don’t know why, but I’ve really looking forward to the Dazzler. Is it because I know she’ll suck? Because I dislike (most) disco? No! It’s because she zips around on roller skates and turns music into light with a magic disco ball! WTFantastic!

This cover is amazing. Seriously. You know what else is amazing: Pete and the gang going to see Star Trek. Yeah, that’s right. ON THE WORLD’S TINIEST MOVIE SCREEN:

Wow, Star Trek on a 2.7″ screen. Hot.

So the action gets pretty lame…who cares? So the plots a stinker…big deal. This issue still has enough badassery to make it a fun read.

Rating:

Darkness, Darkness…

This issue has an awesome cover by Al Milgrom.

The Shroud story is continued, with Spidey fighting and then teaming up with the Shroud to defeat this hypnotic woman, Dansen Macabre. Dansen is part of a Shiva cult, and hates the Shroud because of his connection to Kali. Steven Grant has a really screwed up view of Hinduism.

At the end, Pete flies back to NYC.

Pretty standard issue, not great, not terrible.

Rating:

Tangled Webs

Ok, this issue is definitely a milestone. Here we have the first meeting between Spider-Woman and Spider-Man. :O

This is a good opportunity to catch up on what’s actually been happening in Spidey’s continuity, since I’ve read so many damned things out of order lately. In M/TU 92, Spidey teamed up with Hawkeye to beat Mr. Fear. Before that, in Spectacular, Spidey fought Swarm. As far as his personal life goes, Peter Parker is just kind of starting grad school and settling into things, and is working for the Daily Globe.

This issue opens with a surprise — Spider-Woman has stolen a bunch of money! We then flash back to how this came to be. Basically, bad shit started happening to dear Jess: she got fired, she got evicted. How does she cope with the bad news? By robbing her former employers, of course. This is completely out of character and not even slightly believable. It’s really pretty annoying.

Feeling shitty about what she’s done, Jessica immediately decides to return the money. She, of course, is interrupted by Peter Parker, who just happens to be out in LA on a photography assignment. Quickly changing into Spider-Man, Pete chases Spider-Woman around for a bit. They lightly spar before having a nice cordial conversation.

Then, as he is wont to do, Spider-Man takes off into the night, before even finding out that the woman he was hanging with was a Spider-Woman.

So this was pretty gimmicky and clearly designed to try to get Spidey fans interested in Spider-Woman. It even included a retelling of Jessica’s origin, to catch new fans up on what her deal is. Kinda lame. At the same time, it was basically inoffensive and and mildly entertaining, which is kinda saying a lot for this book.

Rating:

The Beast Within

A mildly interesting issue that crams in quite a bit — Jessica visits Mrs. Dolly, becomes better friends with Lindsay McCabe, fights some creep named the Enforcer, and chitchats with the Werewolf By Night. Not great, but pretty stellar by Spider-Woman standards.

Rating:

Sins of the Flesh!

This is the first Spider-Woman issue that I can actually recall enjoying. The Waxman was a genuinely creepy character, and the story had a nice brisk pace. It reminded me of an episode of Twilight Zone or Outer Limits.

Rating:

Jessica’s Night Out!

Incredibly boring issue (with requisite over-the-top sexiness) saved by an interestingly mysterious last panel, where Jessica Drew’s date starts to melt into a gelatinous blob.

Rating:

Enter: Swarm!

This issue starts with a huge waste of space and time, in which Spidey goes after some random bank robbers. It has nothing to do with the plot, and is simply filler.

The rest of the issue deals with Pete starting to get settled into grad school, and having to deal with some bee guy named Swarm. He’s kind of a cool villain, but the issue basically sucked.

Rating:

Labyrinth

To refresh my own memory, here’s what’s happened recently in Spidey’s world:

• in Captain America 237, Peter Parker photographed Cap at a press conference
• in Marvel Team-Up 91, Spidey and Ghost Rider helped defeat an evil freak show operator
• Peter Parker got messed up by some kinda force waves in FF Annual 14
• Spidey is in NYC for the whole Dark Phoenix thing in X-Men 135

In other words: not much is going on! I think it’s around end of summer / beginning of autumn right now, and I can’t really recall many of the major plot developments of late.

Time to move this gravy train forward.

This issue sees the return of the Mindworm, unfortunately. This seems to be capitalizing on the late 70s psychiatry/pyschoanalysis surge, and has Spidey and a Damsel In Distress “trapped inside [Mindworm's] neuroses”. Gimme a break. It’s a lot like the movie The Cell, only worse.

Lee Elias’s pencils are kind of off, too. He doesn’t really seem to have Spider-Man down.

Overall, not a very good issue to come back to after my break.

Rating:

Wanted for Murder: Spider-Man!

Well, that didn’t take long, did it? It was only just recently that Spidey was cleared of all charges by the cops, and here is wanted for murder again — at least by J. Jonah Jameson.

The Spider-Slayer bit of this story was thankfully brief. This issue really served as mostly a setup for the next one, in which we can expect a major confrontation between Spidey and Jonah, and Peter and MJ.

Rating:

The Jigsaw Is Up!

alright, even with my big shift around, this is in the wrong spot. mary jane reacts harshly towards betty, which is completely contrary to their conversation in spectacular 27 — these two asm issues should come before those.

the whole jigsaw-as-terrified-wreck angle was kind of interesting, but overall this story was a dud.

Rating:

Chaos is– the Chameleon!

There’s a panel here that references Doc Ock dying “last month off the New York coast” in “Mayhem in Manhattan…the Spidey novel.” WTF is this? There are novels that are considered canon? That’s bull, IMO. I’m going to assume that Wolfman just threw that in there because he was one of the writers, and that the book isn’t canon.

This issue is a pretty big milestone, because Spider-Man is officially cleared of all charges and suspicions by the DA and the police.

Rating:

The Graduation of Peter Parker

This story is supposedly about Peter’s graduation, but once he gets there he discovers — shock of all shocks — he is not graduating. At least not yet. It seems he forgot to take a gym class, and now he’ll have to make it up in the summer and graduate in September.

This was just filler and a tease. Why take away Pete’s graduation from him? From my point of view, it would have been nice to actually see him get through graduation successfully.

Rating:

Guess Who’s Buried in Grant’s Tomb!

Aw, man, I was hoping Zeck would be on this title permanently, or at least for awhile. Looks like we’re back with the regulars, though, and it just doesn’t look as good.

MJ is trying to date other guys, but the one she goes out with is a dork. Betty misses Ned. The White Tiger and Holly pine after each other. The A-plot is boring.

Rating:

Still Crazy After All These Years

MJ is totally sending Peter some mixed messages, but she still doesn’t want to marry him.

As far as bad guys go, the Scorpion re-emerges, ostensibly stronger and faster than ever. Spidey’s pissed and fed up, though, and just smashes the crap out of him. It’s really cool to see, and Scorpion’s demasking at the end was awesome.

Rating:

Spider, Spider, Burning Bright!

Spidey saves himself from that last predicament by covering himself in flame-retardant webbing and leaping free. Eventually he beats the White Dragon in a fairly boring showdown.

Rating:

The Rocket Racer’s Back in Town!

Finally we see MJ again, who apparently just lives in the hospital with Aunt May. We also learn that Spider-Man’s webbing has been getting weaker, which is interesting. Generally speaking, this issue was fairly boring.

EXCEPT THAT PETER PROPOSES TO MJ OMGZOZR!!11!

If not for that, this issue would get a 2. However, a proposal is a big deal, so it gets bumped up a whole 1.5 stars/spiders.

Rating:

Where Were You When The Lights Went Out?

Awesome cover by Ernie Chan!

Where the hell is MJ? Not counting the Hostess ads, we haven’t seen her in ages. Lightmaster kidnaps Hector, Pete figures out Hector’s identity, and then White Tiger willingly reveals it to the world at large. After a stupid fight, Lightmaster basically dies.

Rating:

Again, The Enforcers!

The Enforcers are back! Including a new Ox, which is just weird. They are being led by Lightmaster, one of the lamest Spidey villains ever.

After stinking it up a couple issues ago, Buscema kicks ass here! His Enforcers look great!

The issue is mostly a little boring, and the fact that Hector Ayala is in it really irks me. At the end, Lightmaster thinks that Hector is Spider-Man, which means I’m going to have to deal with more White Tiger crap shortly.

Rating:

The Beetle and the Badge!

The pencils in this issue are terrible, way below Sal’s usual. The inks and colours are kind of weird too, to be honest. The whole thing looks kinda cheap and rushed.

Kinda shitty dialogue, here, but the plot was good. It had an old-fashioned Stan Lee kinda feel. Much like with that Team-Up I just read, I’ve never heard of this writer.

Rating: