The Spider and the Sea-Scourge!

You know what’s weird? I might be crazy, but I don’t see any credits for this issue. I looked them up online.

Namor, the Sub-Mariner, has been busting up equipment in the ocean. Good for him.

Spidey finally checks out the docks and Deb Whitman’s uncle, which she asked Pete to do long ago. Uncle Whitman has a contract with the government to setup equipment in the ocean, but his crew is scared because of Namor’s activities. Spider-Man, being his usual helpful self, beats up the crew and chases them off. Then he leaves when Uncle Whitman asks him for help.

The next day Deb shows up at school whining about the whole thing, and Pete decides he better stop being a bitch and go help out. He becomes a crew member onboard the ship, along with some other crew members who apparently came back or something.

So we get Spider-Man vs. Namor in a battle on the high seas. Spider-Man actually kicks the crap out of Namor, which is pretty cool and unexpected. Eventually they finally sit down and have a chat and work things out amicably, with Namor helping the surface dwellers find a better spot for their gizmos.

This reads a little like an issue of Team-Up, though not as crappy.

Rating:

buy on amazon.com: single issue or dvd collection

Aliens and Illusions!

The cover of this issue features Spider-Man, Mysterio and Deb Whitman apparently floating in outer space. Spider-Man is punching the fishbowl off Mysterio’s head. Spidey’s legs are wrapped around Mysterio’s body. Deb has a very odd zero-gravity boob thing going on, and a major camel toe. One of Mysterio’s boots has a high heel. The whole thing is very, very weird and very, very bad. I read online that it’s a Frank Miller cover, but for some reason I find this hard to believe.

So we start where we left off, with Peter onboard a space ship with Mysterio and some supposed aliens. Mysterio wants the Dutch Mallone money, and the aliens are helping him in exchange for Mysterio’s help in taking over the world. Of course, it turns out to just be an elaborate ploy by Mysterio. The aliens are just dudes in alien masks, whom Pete / Spider-Man take care of quite easily.

This issue retcons the aliens’ earlier appearance in ASM 2, when they were working for the Tinkerer, so that they were actually movie extras and stuntmen then as well. One of them, apparently, was Quentin Beck, who went on to become Mysterio.

Not a bad issue, really. Mysterio stories can sometimes be formulaic, but for some reason I was a little more engaged this time around.

Rating:

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Dilemma!

50th issue! Aliens on the cover! What could go wrong?!

We open immediately following the events of the last issue, with Spidey and the Smuggler mid-fight. Actually, Spidey pretty much has the Smuggler tied up, but doesn’t know what to do with him. Eventually he ends up getting the guy to the cops, more or less, and the reader is happy to finally be done with that.

Later, Pete takes Deb Whitman to an engagement dinner for his Aunt May. While there, they are attacked by aliens! Similar aliens to the ones that were working with the Tinkerer back in Amazing Spider-Man 2! It seems that the aliens want information from Aunt May about Dutch Mallone, the gangster who had money hidden in the Parker house. But that’s dumb, because why would aliens want money? Well, Peter finds out that the aliens are working for Mysterio! I’m guessing they aren’t even aliens.

There’s a weird recap of Spidey’s origin story in this issue. Did any readers in 1981 really not know this by now? Seems like a waste of space.

I liked the engagement party / alien story line. I could have done without the Smuggler bit bleeding in from last issue.

Rating:

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Enter: The Smuggler

The cover promises “the long awaited return of the White Tiger” …my ass. That dude’s the worst. Luckily he’s in the second story in the issue, and Spidey isn’t, so I got to skip him.

The art on the splash page is great. It gets less good for a lot of the smaller panels, but is overall still enjoyable.

We open on Peter Parker trying to grade tests, but distracted by his recent unemployment and the knowledge that Madame Web knows that he is Spider-Man. Phil Chang shows up and they decide to go to find wild, wild women. Seriously.

En route they run into Tommy Li, a member of the White Dragon gang who looks like a woman. These White Dragon guys showed up before, in Amazing Spider-Man 184 and 185. Naturally, Phil and Pete decide to chase the ganglord through the streets. When Li gets away in a van, Pete jumps onto a nearby wall and starts climbing up it! Right next to Phil! Where’s there’s no way Phil couldn’t see! But, of course, since readers are apparently brain-dead, we’re asked to believe that Phil has no idea where Peter went.

That right there just about ruined the issue for me. Put some effort in, dudes.

Anyway, it turns out Tommy Li is involved with some scam with a guy named the Smuggler. Dude is completely two-dimensional. There’s no real drama, no real interest being generated. It’s a weak issue. It ends with Spider-Man and Smuggler mid- (boring-) fight.

Other news: Aunt May is engaged to Nathan Lubensky.

Rating:

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The Fangs of Werewolf by Night

The cover for this issue has real photos of movie monsters in the background, and it’s totally distracting. I don’t like when comics mix real photos with the art, it totally takes me out of the experience.

The issue opens with Spider-Woman a quick flashback to last issue, which I appreciate. Some time, possibly immediately, after the last issue and the recap end, Hornet and Dr. Malus meet up at Scotty’s apartment. Malus injects Scotty with a booster of his serum, making the Hornet stronger and crazier. As Scotty calls Spider-Woman to set her up in a trap, we’re treated to a not atypical shot of Jessica Drew naked coming out of the shadow. This comic book just can’t resist, can it?

Ok, so she falls into the trap — which isn’t that much of a trap, since she knows she’s going to fight the Hornet. She just doesn’t know how strong he’s become. Big, uninspiring fight ensues and then when the Hornet has the upper hand… he leaves? That’s just dumb.

So given this setback, or whatever it is, Malus decides that the Hornet needs help in destroying Spider-Woman and phones Jack Russell, Werewolf by Night. The whole exchange is insultingly bad, but basically Malus tricks Russell into coming to see him.

When Malus and Russell meet up, Malus hooks up a gizmo to Russell’s body that basically enslaves Russell and allows Malus to control his transformations into the Werewolf.

Meanwhile Scotty/The Hornet has kidnapped himself and left a note for Spider-Woman telling her to meet him at a movie studio lot. The lot is set up as an old-west town, which I guess is a nice stage for a showdown. Malus and the Werewolf are also there. There’s another fight with all three of them and Malus on the sidelines. The Hornet goes batshit crazy and takes off. Spider-Woman removes the Werewolf’s gizmo and uncrazifies him, and the Werewolf is then able to go beat up Malus. Spider-Woman goes after the Hornet, subdues him, and discovers that he is actually Scotty.

I wanted to like this issue, and it had some potential, but it kept sabotaging itself. The cliched Spider-Woman sexiness just ruins things for me, the bad dialogue and contrived setup to involve Werewolf by Night totally take me out of the story. The issue could have had a very powerful ending, but instead a final couple panels are tagged on in which we learn that Scotty will recover completely by resting for a few days. Ugh. Why ruin it? Scotty being evil and crazy could have been awesome, and he’s such a boring character normally. The book just ended up being a disappointment.

Rating:

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The Sting of the Hornet

This issue starts out pretty bad-ass. Scotty is having a dream in which he’s a flying super-villain named the Hornet, and fighting Spider-Woman. When he wakes up he questions it, because he actually loves Spider-Woman. BUT his unrequited love is only a few steps removed from rage, and he ends up smashing his apartment up a bit (with uncharacteristic strength). When there’s a knock on the door, a stoner delivery man with a mysterious package pisses Scotty off even more, calling him “the White Rock girl“. That’s when Scotty passes by a mirror and sees, growing from his back, a pair of wings! :O

New wings — that work! — and new strength. And, when Scotty opens the package, he discovers a new Hornet costume, identical to the one in his dream. Scotty’s new power, new outfit, and his precarious mental state transform him into the Hornet, who seems to be a bit of a hateful jerk.

Later we learn this is all the plan of Dr. Malus, the same crazy who was working with the Fly and the Enforcer, and who rescued Scotty in the last issue. The motivation for said rescue is now clear, as Malus used it as an opportunity to drug Scotty and use him to his own ends. Those ends are a bit unclear, but maybe I just don’t understand criminal genius.

This was a great issue, at least by Spider-Woman standards. Hurrah!

Rating:

Come Into My Parlor — Said The Fly!

Note: I read this in the wrong spot. It should come before Rupert Dockery goes to New York, so between Spider-Woman 29 and Amazing Spider-Man 208.

Action right off the bat! As Spider-Woman is talking to one Dr. Pederson about the possibility of curing Scotty McDowell, the Fly crashes into the lab. Yes, this is the same Fly that Spider-Man has fought before. He just swoops in and clocks Spider-Woman. It’s pretty brazen and cool. After receiving one of S-W’s venom blasts, he takes a powder. It’s unclear what he wanted, but he certainly screwed up the lab and in the process messed up Scotty’s cryogenic chamber. Spider-Woman fixes it basically by bashing it up more.

Later, we learn that Spider-Woman still has theft charges against her from hooking up with the Enforcer.

Also later, Rupert Dockery is about to accept his National Press Award when he is visited by an angry Enforcer. I thought that guy was in prison… Well, he knows all about Dockery’s earlier machinations and manipulations and he’s none too impressed. When Dockery cops to the whole thing, it is revealed that “the Enforcer” who visited him is actually Spider-Woman, and that the whole encounter was a set-up organized by her and Captain Walsh, in order to clear Spider-Woman’s name. Walsh sticks it Dockery and basically orders him out of town.

Meanwhile the Fly is being seen to by a creepazoid doctor, Dr. Malus. Malus (re-)warns the Fly that his powers are weakening and that the only way to restore them is for Malus to transfer some other super-human’s powers to him. Their choice? Spider-Woman, of course. That is why the Fly was at the hospital earlier, tangling with Spider-Woman.

The Fly goes out to finder Spider-Woman again, and forces a meeting by wrecking some streets up and putting innocent bystanders at risk. The Fly’s plan, it seems, is to take another venom blast. He does, then splits, but not before Spider-Woman rips some contraption off his arm.

A few days pass. We learn that Malus had installed what were basically batteries on the Fly’s arms — on of which Spider-Woman got — to absorb the venom blast’s energy. Learning from said energy, he learns about Spider-Woman’s limitation of one venom blast at a time, and her need for recharging it. I don’t really know if that’s super relevant.

That night, the Fly returns to the hospital and kidnaps Scotty from right in front of poor Dr. Pederson. However, it turns out Dr. Pederson was actually Spider-Woman in disguise. The disguise thing is getting ridiculous. It’s like Scooby Doo up in this series. Spider-Woman follows the Fly back to Malus’s lab, they fight, Somehow Spider-Woman deduces their plan, which, to be honest, is not clear or obvious at all. That’s cheap writing.

I was actually digging the issue up until this point, but it just gets filled up with a lot of needless weird exposition, which really slows down what should be an exciting encounter. When Malus is cornered he admits that he’s the one that created the Enforcer’s darts, and he offers to help cure Scotty in exchange for nothing… after saving Scotty he readily agrees to go to prison with the Fly. That’s just odd. But Scotty’s back to normal, so that’s good?

I really liked the first 3/4 of this issue, or maybe 2/3, and then it totally fell apart. The climax seemed rushed and uninteresting, the writing got sloppy, and the whole thing just ended up fizzling into yet another non-sensical snoozefest.

Rating:

Vengeance is Mine–Sayeth the Sword!

For continuity purposes I’ve split this issue up and thrown a whole mess of comics in the middle. This is the first part (up to the end of the 5th page of comic, which is numbered as ’7′).

It’s midnight, and our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man is checking out what appears to be a robbery at the waterfront. Just as he’s about to intervene, a masked figure with a sword descends and takes out the thieves for him. It’s Raper! He’s pretty suave. Spidey, recognizing that he may be outclassed, decides to help out a little.

Once they’re done cleaning up the mess, Spidey and Rapier exchange some pleasantries, and both are off…

Split like this, it’s just a short and sweet encounter, and definitely piques my interest for later.

Rating:

Mesmero’s Revenge!

First the fashion industry, and now Broadway. Spidey’s really taking an interest in the arts. Unfortunately, though, this battle with Mesmero was once again a complete misfire. And what was with that drug dealer that kept showing up? Did he have a point?

Rating:

…In Love and War!

So I guess Christmas has come and gone? If Pete’s going back to school?

Anyway, in this story we find out that the Black Cat is head-over-heels in love with Spidey, though in a kind of crazy, “I’ve lost my marbles” kind of way. Michelinie has a couple missteps, but overall I really liked what he did here.

Incidentally, I wouldn’t mind an explanation of why/how the Black Cat is alive, and how her bad luck powers work.

Rating:

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death!

The Frightful Four — the Wizard, Trapster, Sandman and Electro — lure Spider-Man into a trap at the Statue of Liberty. They beat him up. That’s about it, really. At the end, Spidey is their prisoner and the Four are going to go attack the Fantastic Four. It was…ok? Nothing really new here, but it wasn’t a terrible read.

Rating:

Meteor Madness!

Well, this sucked. Why bring back a mediocre villain like Meteor Man if you’re not even going to do anything interesting with him? Why bring Giant Man into the mix if you’re not going to do anything interesting with him? This was all very much by the numbers. I guess it’s cool that Meteor Man ended up dying (permanently though? No.), but overall this was just pretty lame.

Rating:

One For Those Long Gone!

Not a super interesting episode, but Pollard and Mooney’s art was top-notch. The last few books I’ve read have looked really great.

Man-Hunt!

Apparently J. Jonah Jameson has had a nervous breakdown. Neat. This issue is mostly about Spidey and the Punisher going after some mob guy, and the Punisher suspecting that Peter Parker is up to something. There’s no resolution really, the story is continued in the next issue.

This might be in the wrong spot? Pete runs into MJ and says he hasn’t seen her in months. He just saw her in Spec 38 or something I think though. So that’s weird. Probably just a topical reference to the fact that she hasn’t appeared in ASM for months — at least, that’s what the Official Index claims.

Rating:

Scourge of the Schizoid-Man!

A fairly mediocre outing, though much better than the last issue. Here Spidey fights that Chip kid, who has become The Schizoid Man. That part’s pretty dumb, unfortunately. The cool thing is that, back when Spidey helped beat the Lizard last time, he absorbed some kinda lizard rays that are changing him. He’s now a raging maniac, and at the end becomes the Spider-Lizard. Awesome.

Curt Connors forgets his own name:

Great art, at least in spots.

Rating:

And Men Shall Call Him… Octopus!

This is a continuation of sorts of the story in ASM Annual 13. Here, Spidey fights Doc Ock some more. The issue as a whole largely fails, due to lackluster writing by Mantlo and incredible boring and occasionally muddled art by Buckler and Mooney. Nowhere near as good as the ASM Annual. The one point at which the book gets interesting is near the end, when Doctor Octopus starts becoming completely unhinged and starts talking to his arms and referring to him and them as “we” — very Hobbit/Lord of the Rings. It’s a nice touch, but it doesn’t save the issue.

Rating:

Rags to Riches!

This Team-Up issue ties into all the recent Spider-Woman stuff, specifically her encounters with Spider-Man, Werewolf by Night, the Enforcer and (I suspect) the Shroud.

It’s the last day of Pete’s LA trip, and as he’s trying to relax at a club he (along with WbN, Jack Russell) is confronted by a legitimately creepy baddy, Tatterdemalion. They fight, and we also see four other people acting super mysteriously. Tatter D. gets away with Jack Russell, leaving Spider-Man drugged and groggy.

Unfortunately, from that point it gets really weird and bad. Spidey ends up fighting Tatterdemalion in a sewer, then in a fight with a bunch of homeless people in a halfway house. As the story progresses, Tatterdemalion also becomes less creepy and more silly. It’s too bad Grant couldn’t keep up the momentum of the first few pages.

In the end we find out that one of the mysterious women from the beginning is “Dansen Macabre”, and there’s hint that the Shroud will be involved in the next issue. That might be interesting.

Rating:

Into the Hive!

A pretty lame wrap-up to the Swarm story line. I wish this had BEEn a little better. Ahahahahahaha.

Sorry.

Rating:

Enter: Swarm!

This issue starts with a huge waste of space and time, in which Spidey goes after some random bank robbers. It has nothing to do with the plot, and is simply filler.

The rest of the issue deals with Pete starting to get settled into grad school, and having to deal with some bee guy named Swarm. He’s kind of a cool villain, but the issue basically sucked.

Rating:

The Spider and the Burglar…A Sequel

Well, this is a big one! 200 issues of Amazing Spider-Man! Woo. A note on the splash says that Stan Lee wrote one page of the issue, which is pretty cool I guess. (I’m guessing it’s page 15.)

This was an awesome, epic, issue. Having Pete face off against the burglar again, and having him confront all his old fears, angers, anxieties was a welcome shot of adrenaline into the character. Pete’s been so morose lately, that it was nice to see everything come together for him in the end.

Rating:

Now You See Me! Now You Die!

Another boring Mysterio issue. I am curious what hidden treasure in the Parker home Mysterio and the Burglar are after, but mostly I just want this story to wrap up.

Rating:

Mysterio is Deadlier by the Dozen!

Except for JJJ having a nervous breakdown (or heart attack?), this was a fairly boring issue.

Rating:

The Kingpin’s Midnight Massacre!

Other than a brief Daily Bugle interlude, this whole issue is a fight in which the Kingpin kicks the crap out of Spidey. The only reason Spider-Man is alive at the end is because Kingpin chooses the love of his wife over vengeance against Spider-Man.

It was alright, I guess, but the fighting got kind of boring after awhile.

Rating:

Requiem!

Well…Aunt May certainly appears to really be dead. BUT I DON’T BELIEVE IT.

This was a crazy issue. In addition to Pete grieving like crazy over Aunt May, Robbie Robertson quits! We also learn that Robbie had another son before Randy, and that he died as a child.

This was a pretty interesting issue. Not action-packed by any means, but that was one reason why it was so awesome. Really nice characterization and plotting here.

Rating:

Lizards on a Hot Tin Roof!

This one follows the standard Spider-Man Cliffhanger Followup structure:

1. Continue fight
2. Bad guy(s) leaves for no good reason
3. Spider-Man/Pete lead normal life
4. Spidey and bad guy meet up again
5. Spider-Man beats bad guy

BORING!

It doesn’t help that Lizard stories tend to suck anyway, and that the Iguana is just an even lamer version of the Lizard. The one interesting part of the story was that Liz recognized his family and seemed to have a connection with them, but that wasn’t followed up at all. In fact, it was almost completely contradicted when the Lizard decided to team up with the Iguana.

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