Karma!

The 100th issue of Marvel Team-Up! Spidey and the Fantastic Four! Surely it must be amazing? I hope… This issue was apparently inspired by Ithacon ’79. Given the quality level the last time a story was inspired by a con, I’m not optimistic.

…and I was right to feel that way. The issue was bad enough that it took me almost a month to get through it and review it. Suck. The formula was exactly the same as usual for Team-Up: misunderstanding leads to heroes fighting, they make up, team-up, and triumph. I doze off.

Update: a lot of people really seem to like this issue. Maybe I’m crazy? I still think it’s bad.

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buy on amazon.com: single issue or trade paperback

Sword of the She-Devil

In this issue, some creep named Kulan Gath possesses the body of a museum security guard and Red Sonja possesses the body of Mary-Jane Watson. You know, because they both have red hair. It’s really terrible, and clearly just a ploy to sell Red Sonja comics to Spidey fans (although I guess that’s kinda the point of Team-Up as a whole).

So, this takes place December 22, before the new school year and while Pete is still working at the Globe. That makes it especially strange that he is at the Bugle Christmas party, that Jameson gave him a bonus, and that he got sent on assignment. However, it’s not crazy, as he still has lots of friends at the Bugle, did work there for part of the year thus perhaps earning a bonus, and is freelance so still able to take the assignment when nobody else was able. An annoying little chronological glitch, but not the end of the world.

Oh, you know what else is weird? Clark Kent is at the Bugle Christmas Party.

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Dark Phoenix

Child of Light and Darkness!
Writer: Chris Claremont
Plotters: Chris Claremont, John Byrne
Penciler: John Byrne
Inker: Terry Austin
Letterer: Tom Orzechowski
Colorist: Bob Sharen
Originally published: August 1980

The Fate of the Phoenix
Writer: Chris Claremont
Plotters: Chris Claremont, John Byrne
Penciler: John Byrne
Inker: Terry Austin
Letterer: Tom Orzechowski
Colorist: Glynis Wein
Originally published: September 1980

Elegy
Writer: Chris Claremont
Plotters: Chris Claremont, John Byrne
Penciler: John Byrne
Inker: Terry Austin
Letterer: Tom Orzechowski
Colorist: Glynis Wein
Originally published: October 1980

The Dark Phoenix Saga, plus one. Spidey appears very briefly in X-Men 135 and as a kind of out-of-context floating-person kinda thing in 138 (which should probably be excluded).

This was quite good, I’m glad I read it.

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From the Ashes…

Finally done with stupid ass Spider-Woman comics for a bit.

Peter Parker only appeared in this for one panel, photographing Cap at a new conference. Despite being basically Spidey-less, this was an awesome issue. It was an incredibly dark story that involved Sharon Carter dying, Cap retiring, and a disturbingly gruesome look at World War II. It was extremely well done.

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Murder in Cathedral Canyon!

Well…this thing says it’s the Fourth of July, but once again I think it’ll have to be ignored. I will assume that’s a metaphor, since Pete is kissing Cissy and Fireworks are metaphorically going off (though they are shown on-panel).

Pretty good epic anti-bomb, anti-armament story. I quite liked it.

So Cissy Ironwood’s dad gets killed here, and Spider-Man is powerless to stop it. What the hell’s with Peter’s girlfriends’ dads getting killed?

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Shoot Out Over Center Ring!

I found this issue really confusing. I wasn’t sure why Amos Jardine was hiring anyone to kill Spider-Man, and I was even less clear on why he first hired Arcade, then fired him and instead hired some loser named Cutthroat.

Why does Team-Up have to be so bad? Why can’t they integrate it into the larger Spidey storyline better?

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A Child is Waiting

This was a mildly entertaining kidnapping caper, in which little Franklin Richards gets abducted and held for ransom. Spidey and the Invisible Girl team up to get him back, and everything ends up wonderful.

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Story of the Year!

The Guardians of the Galaxy seem interesting, but they weren’t used very well. This was a done-in-one that was basically an extended fight.

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Last Rites

Why must Chris Claremont always be credited as “author”? I find that so pretentious.

I can’t believe how over-the-top sexily Satana and Clea are drawn. It’s ridiculous. Satana dies in this issue but it probably won’t last, knowing Marvel.

This relationship with Cissy has come absolutely out of nowhere… some setup / intro would have been nice.

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A Sorcerer Possessed!

Lame issue in which Pete’s on a date with Cissy, and Dr. Strange turns into a werewolf. At the end, Satana shows up looking like a hoochy slut.

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“Listen–Stop Me if You’ve Heard it–But This One Will Kill You!”

Timing on this one is weird — the narration says that it’s spring, and Spidey mentions paying his income taxes the day before. According to everything else, though, it’s fall, so these are going to just have to be “topical references” — it’s probably just nice weather, and Pete maybe paid his taxes late.

Even though we don’t see her here, we get the first mention of Cissy Ironwood.

John Byrne drew Storm’s nipples. Some of the comics seem to be getting more “adult” recently. I’m all for adult themes and realism, but I don’t think those are equivalent with over-sexed drawings.

In this issue, Arcade is back and after the X-Men. Spidey finds out about it and tries to warn them, but he’s too late. Then I guess he just gives up, because we don’t seem him again for the rest of the issue.

This story was really not much different than the last Arcade issue, and didn’t really offer anything new.

Cool ad for Star Wars toys featuring Swedish rogue, Hans Solo:

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If I’m to Live…My Love Must Die!

Another boring Claremont issue that is basically two simultaneous long fights. I’m glad I’m done with this particular story.

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If Not For Love…

Super boring story that barely features Spidey. Here’s the thing with Dr. Strange stories — because they involve magic, anything can happen, and not in a good way. Every Dr. Strange story I read is the same: a bunch of crazy magic crap happens, and to fix it there’s some more crazy magic crap. This issue only featured the first half of that formula, with the second half I’m sure coming in the next issue.

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The Smoke of that Great Burning!

I don’t know what happened to my review of this issue, but it somehow got deleted. It’s a shame, because I really liked this issue and wrote nice things about it. Highlights:

• Amazing, fantastic art by everyone involved
• Sharp writing, with a different story that was a nice change of pace
• Classy dedication to NYC firefighters
• First Ralph Macchio credit in my project

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Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night!

This was gimmicky bullspit. Pete and MJ go see a taping of Saturday Night Live. When John Belushi receives a mysterious ring in the mail, though, things go down the shitter. The Silver Samurai shows up to retrieve it and for the entire length of the show, Spider-Man and the cast have to fight off him and his goons.

This was, in my opinion, terrible. Normally Spidey can be pretty funny, but here all the jokes fall flat — inexcusable in an SNL issue. The plot is completely nonsensical, The one good thing about it is that the art is passable, and the SNL cast actually look like the real actors (most of the time).

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Whom Gods Destroy!

With the help of Thor, Spidey finishes off the Living Pharaoh. This was a fairly satisfying conclusion, I enjoyed it more than the first part.

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Night of the Living God!

The Living Pharaoh and his egyptian cronies were kinda hackneyed, but Claremont knew this and made fun of it a bit, so that was ok. This wasn’t the best issue of Team-Up ever, but it didn’t really have any major problems either.

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The Measure of a Man!

Is the Man-Thing even a character, or is he just a pile of sticks? This was OK, but not because of Man-Thing – it was interesting because of the bad guy, D’spayre, and how he totally broke Spidey.

I would like to his a run of really good issues…

First reference to Pete/MJ banging?

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Tigra Tigra, Burning Bright!

Great, fucking Kraven the Hunter. Blurgh. Also, man, the Cat was really cool when she started. As Tigra she’s lamesauce.

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Murder World

Captain Britain and Spidey sorta team up here, but they’re mostly separated for the whole issue. Pretty much the whole thing takes place in Arcade’s “Murder World” funhouse. It’s not bad or anything, but I was hoping for some more interesting character development and backstory, considering that in the last issue Captain Britain moved in with Spidey and Peter learned his secret identity. That’s some interesting stuff, and it was all completely dropped.

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Introducing, Captain Britain

As the title indicates, this was basically an introduction to Captain Britain. A good chunk of it was a flashback to his origin. He seems like an interesting enough character, though there wasn’t much room in here for an actual, interesting story.

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A Life Too Far

This issue was a welcome relief after all the kung-fu bullshit I’ve been up to my ears in. It was a race against the clock as Spidey battled Medusa and the Inhumans for a rare antidote needed to save a kid. This was a lot like reading one of the better issues of Team-Up, really.

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If Death be My Destiny…

This one had more Spider-Man, but was still basically Iron Fist junk.

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Night of the Dragon

Sweet Jesus, more kung-fu crap. Spidey was barely even in this!

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All This and the QE2

Ms. Marvel takes Johnny Storm’s place in the battle against the Super Skrull. This time the action is aboard the Queen Elizabeth II cruise-liner!

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