The Punch

A story set very early in Spidey’s career — seemingly his first adventure after Ben’s death — in which he learns a valuable lesson about his own strength and how not to use it. This wasn’t as good as a lot of the Busiek Untold Tales, but it was entertaining enough.

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Writers: Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning
Artist: Igor Kordey
Letters: Richard Starkings
Design: Cindy Emmert
Originally published: September 1995

Oh my God, this was like, uh, so, uh, deep? Because it was about, uh, normal people? And, uh, the way they, uh, talked, was uh, so real.

I’m pretty certain I read these in the wrong spot, since Julia Carpenter (another Spider-Woman) appears, and she doesn’t really exist yet for the books I’m currently reading.

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Family Business

Post Mortem
Authors: Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning
Illustrator: Dale Eaglesham
Embellisher: Scott Koblish
Color Artists: Justin Gabrie, Colin Jorgensen
Letterer: Bill Oakley
Originally published: January 1995

In Memoriam
Authors: Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning
Illustrator: Dale Eaglesham
Embellisher: Scott Koblish
Color Artists: Justin Gabrie, Colin Jorgensen
Letterers: Susan Crespi, Jim Novak, Bill Oakley
Originally published: February 1995

Fire With Fire
Authors: Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning
Illustrator: Dale Eaglesham
Embellisher: Scott Koblish
Color Artist: Colin Jorgensen
Letterer: Bill Oakley
Originally published: March 1995

I’ve never read any Punisher before, so I don’t know how this compares. What I do know, though, is that this series is all kinds of awful. I started off hating this on the first panel, and I never stopped once.

Who starts a story with “meanwhile”? That’s fucking pretentious and annoying. And then it ends with fucking “meanwhile” too? Give me a break.

The narration is cloying and incredibly overused; if you’re showing me what’s happening, you don’t need to tell me as well. It also switches back and forth between third-person/omniscient and first person (more than one character in first person, at that). That’s a tricky thing to pull off well, and this book doesn’t even come close. Total fail.

The art is bad. At first I was going to give it the benefit of the doubt, and say it was just a style I’m not fond of. Then I started noticing that every panel is incredibly cluttered and has shitty composition. There are a ton of panels that just look like they’ve been cut in half. I’m sure it’s supposed to be artsy, but it’s just annoying. Then there are the lines. There is so much fucking crosshatching and other stray random lines in this crap that every character looks like they’re 120 years old. It’s insane. Add to that the fact that the artist doesn’t seem to understand basic human anatomy, and you’re looking at a fugly book.

Am I done complaining? No. The dialogue is atrocious as well. One of the two-bit cops that finds the Castle family declares that it “looks like murder”. Oh really?! The bullet-riddled family didn’t die of natural causes? That’s some fine police-work. Why should I have to suffer through that nonsense? It’s a throwaway line that’s infuriating and unnecessary.

More stupid: Miles Warren, Peter Parker’s science teacher from ESU, is called in to Mt. Sinai to take care of Frank Castle. Because science teachers and medical doctors are interchangeable, and because hospitals routinely call in non-employees to work – no concern for insurance, standards, etc. And how do they address this glaring, ridiculous plot hole? Like this:

Other than throwing in a familiar name (and an absolutely terrible “jackal” joke), there seems to be absolutely no reason for Warren to be in this book.

Speaking of inconsistencies: From the get-go we’re told that only Frank Castle has survived the attack in Central Park. Then, a couple pages in, Miles Warren suddenly drops this bombshell: “The other survivor of the shooting, Forrest Hunt, is still hanging on…”. What the heck?! The cops didn’t even know about this? How inept are these people that they can’t figure out that a man is alive? Come on. I would say that this was some sort of cheap plot device, but then this Hunt guy dies a few pages later, without serving any purpose. So we have a completely unbelievable setup with absolutely no payoff.

I really could go on, but there’s no point. This just stinks. It’s terrible. It made me angry.

Peter Parker appears for a few panels in the second issue. He also acts completely out of character.

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