Till Death Do Us Part!

There was a sweet interesting twist here — Carrion created a “protoplasmic pre-clone” of Peter Parker, a “Spider-Amoeba”. That’s kind of awesome.

This was really great except for this panel:

Also, it’s snowing at the end. I thought it was still spring/summer. I’m going to assume everything’s cool, and it’s just a freak occurrence.

Rating:

Spider-Woman: Origin Book One

I was really looking forward to this series for a couple of reasons. First, I’ve been reading Sword and Girls and have really been enjoying the Luna brothers’ work. Second, although I enjoyed the first issue of Secret Invasion, I haven’t really liked what little else I’ve read by Bendis and I was eager to give him another chance. So far, I am disappointed on both fronts.

First, the art: it is unmistakably the Luna brothers’ style, but I think that was the problem. This looks exactly like Sword and Girls, and I don’t think it works. Those books are much different types of stories than Marvel super-hero kind of stuff, and for some reason using the same art here just doesn’t jive with me. I still like the look, but I’m not sure it’s appropriate for this context.

Second, and more important to me, is the writing. Bendis and Reed have completely thrown out the existing continuity as I’ve read it. While generally similar to what I read in the High Evolutionary stories, the plot in this first issue differs on pretty much every point. This is the worst kind of retcon because, as far as I can tell, it’s completely pointless. Bendis and Reed seem to be changing stuff just for the sake of changing it.

Some examples:

High Evolutionary stories: the Drew family moves to Wundagore when Jessica is a child
S-W: O: the Drews already live at Wundagore before Jessica is born

High Evolutionary stories: Jessica gets cancer/radiation poisoning from the radioactive mountain as a child, is treated with spider serum, shot by genetic laser-thing and is put in stasis
S-W: O: Jessica is shot by genetic laser thing in utero, which somehow transfers spider powers. No cancer/radiation poisoning, no spider genes (?).

High Evolutionary stories: Jessica’s nanny, Bova, is a New Man advanced cow
S-W: O: Jessica’s nanny Bova is a human

High Evolutionary stories: Wyndham is the High Evolutionary
S-W: O: Wyndham is a military general that may be affiliated with Hydra

I’m hoping that some of this gets cleared up and it starts to resemble the established chronology more, but so far I’m very annoyed at the seeming lack of respect for established story. Perhaps Bendis and Reed felt constricted by working within existing chronology, but then perhaps they shouldn’t be writing for a company with Marvel with a pre-existing universe. It’s just lazy, in my opinion, to disregard everything that’s come before.

Also, I thought the dialogue was really bad and artificial. I also hated that they made Jessica’s father into an abusive asshole.

BTW, this is set when Jessica Drew is a little girl and features a young Miles Warren, so it’s clearly not in the right spot on my reading list.

Rating:

The Double, Part Four: The Burial

This story shows the clone’s realization that he is, in fact, a clone.

The biggest problem with the story is that it contradicts a scene in Amazing 151 where Spidey dumps the clone’s body into the incinerator. Here, the clone wakes up outside the incinerating plant. Also not explained is how Peter Parker could have thought his clone was dead and not realized he was simply unconscious.

There’s also this weirdness where the exact same panel is repeated:

This was good, and I probably would have given it 4.5 if it weren’t for the problems mentioned above.

A word on placement: I think I should have probably read this after Amazing 150, it would have made more sense there.

Rating:

The Double, Part 3: Who Am I?

This bit of the story mostly concerns around how the Jackal recovers and warps the clone’s memories and psyche. Not quite as good as the others, but probably still worth 4. After this I’m caught up with what was going on – this issue ends right as Spidey and his clone begin fighting.

Rating:

The Double, Part Two: No Escape

Continuing the origin story of Ben Reilly, the Peter Parker clone, as he struggles with the Jackal and with his own identity. I’m really digging this.

Rating:

The Double, Part One: Born Again!

Cool little backup story showing the “birth” – and subsequent escape – of the Spider-Man clone.

Rating:

Even if I Live, I Die!

A really great finish (?) to this first clone saga! Woo. I know people really hate on the other one, but I never hear many comments about this. I’m quite happy to say that I totally enjoyed this arc and this ending.

A Spidey clone was an unexpected surprise! Is the surviving Spidey the original or the clone? Is there a difference really? Ah, sweet.

(We actually all know the answer to this, I assume, but I’ll just suspend that for now…)

Rating:

Jackal, Jackal…Who’s Got the Jackal?

Another great Tarantula / Jackal / clone-Gwen issue. In this one the identity of the Jackal is revealed as Professor Warren, which is great. I mean, I already knew all about it, so it wasn’t a surprise, but I really loved the way it was handled.

It’s funny how I used to hate Gerry Conway so much, but I think he’s really grown into his role in Amazing Spider-Man. His good stories are really good.

This happens to me a lot:

Rating:

The Tarantula is a Very Deadly Beast!

I’m sick, so not much of a review here.

• Pete finds out clone-Gwen is a clone: so good
• Tarantula and Jackal: so good
• Spidey going nuts and smashing a mirror: so good
• “Spider-Hombre”: so good
• the whole thing: so good

Rating:

Beware the Path of the Monster! / The Lurker in the Swamp! / Bring Back My Man-Thing to Me!

Well, the issue of Gwen’s memory is addressed here – she has no memory of the last two years at all. There was nothing wrong with this, but I just couldn’t get into it…I dunno, I have nothing to say.

Rating:

“Scorpion… …Where is Thy Sting?”

So everybody in this issue is saying that Gwen’s been dead for two years, but every other issue indicates it’s only been a few months. That’s super weird, but I guess Marvel-time can be confusing.

In this issue we get the first hints that the Jackal is behind the Gwen-cloning. The best part about all this is that clone-Gwen doesn’t know she’s a clone, and doesn’t understand what’s going on. As far as she’s concerned, she’s just normal Gwen! I wonder what her memories of the last two years are like.

The Scorpion shizz is still boring, but at least now it’s tied in with the Jackal stuff. Does the Jackal know that Pete is Spider-Man? Hmm, I think he might, and so does Peter.

Rating:

…And the Wind Cries: Cyclone!

Spidey sees Gwen again, but before he has a chance to investigate he has to head off to Paris to rescue JJJ’s ass. Pete and MJ hook up!

Pretty great issue, as seems to be the usual for this period.

Rating:

The Man’s Name Appears To Be…Mysterio!

The Spider-Mobile is back! Sweet! Unfortunately, it also goes headfirst into the drink, and I suspect that’s the last we’ll be seeing of it.

This issue was alright, but a bit slow. Spidey runs into Mysterio and ends up getting duped into beating himself up. In the end, Ned Leeds informs us that Mysterio died in prison, causing Spidey to question whether he’s beginning to crack up. Jameson seems to be involved somehow. Fairly entertaining, I guess, and it had a nice brisk pace.

The best part is when Spidey steals McDonald’s from some guy:

Rating:

…And One Will Fall!

Meh, this issue had too much Grizzly, not enough Jackal. Let’s get some fucking momentum on this Jackal story already.

Also, I can’t help but wonder if the “tea” comment from Pete’s new neighbour was a sly marijuana reference. I will assume it was.

Rating:

Day of the Grizzly!

The Grizzly is a bit of a lame character, but I’m happy at the re-emergence of the Jackal. His design is great, IMO, and I really love his poses. Even though he only shows up in the last page here, he totally steals the show.

Rating:

Betrayed!

Spider-Mobile is finally done, and it’s a beaut! The best part about it is that Spider-Man doesn’t even know how to drive!

Ok, so there’s stuff going on here between the Jackal and Hammerhead, but then Doc Ock also makes an appearance. And what does he let slip? That Rimbaud, the mysterious man in Montreal from Amazing 120, knew something of Ock’s master plan. Very interesting! But, what did he want with May Parker?! Well, we find out with a fantastic cliffhanger– Doc Ock marries Aunt May! Crazy! (Although, I’m still not sure how Rimbaud fit in.)

Great issue! Conway, I think, is finally getting into the swing of things (ugh, sorry).

Rating:

No One Here Gets Out Alive

This is like a big expansion of the issue I just read. It’s interesting, apparently the Jackal’s motives against Spider-Man are revenge for the death of Gwen Stacy, whom the Jackal loved. That’s a twist I totally didn’t expect, but it’s really awesome.

There are a bunch of things that are different from the original comic, and there doesn’t seem to a real reason for it. Why do writers feel the need to try to change continuity? I understand the desire to come back to classic stories, to add to them, but why change things? Would it really be that difficult to work within the framework that’s already there?

I guess maybe this is better interpreted as another meeting between Spidey and the Punisher, somewhere in the middle of Amazing 129. That’s really the only way to make sense of it.

The clone hint at the end was dumb.

Rating:

The Punisher Strikes Twice!

I love this panel:

Having the Punisher appear so late in Amazing and (Code of Honor) makes me strongly question my placement of Punisher: Year One. So far, though, nothing really contradicts anything else. I think this is actually the Punisher’s first appearance anywhere (in real-world time), which is pretty cool.

Sexism:

I think Harry knows that Pete is Spider-Man.

This was a really fun, good issue. I’m excited that the Jackal is in the picture.

Rating:

The Kangaroo Bounces Back!

Kangaroo sucked the first time around, and he was boring this time. Luckily there was enough else going on in this issue to keep things moving. Take, for example, this tidbit: Harry Osborn was, as I suspected, the one who removed his father’s costume. Furthermore, Harry has lost it and has taken on his father’s role – he is now the Green Goblin!

The most interesting thing about this issue is that Spider-Man gets approached to build a Spider-Mobile. BEST. IDEA. EVER.

Rating:

The Dark Wings of Death!

The Vulture Hangs High!
Scripter: Gerry Conway
Artist: Ross Andru
Inkers: F. Giacoia, D. Hunt
Letterer: J. Costanza
Colorist: M. Brand
Originally published: January 1974

Fantastic issues. Stuff with Harry comes to a bit of a head, Spider-Man has to relive Gwen’s death when the Vulture drops MJ from the sky, there’s a brand new Vulture, and the Spider Mobile nears completion. These were a really good read. The mystery was pretty well done, and it had me going the whole time. Woot.

Rating:

Gang War, Shmang War! What I Want to Know is…Who the Heck is Hammerhead?

Picking up where the last issue left off: Doctor Octopus is unconscious (or at least defeated) on the ground, Spidey is standing over him, and Hammerhead and his men have just shown up to try and shoot the crap out of them both.

I have a problem with this panel. I recently read that the quality of swiss cheese is determined by the number and size of holes it has, with more/bigger holes being better. So “as fulla holes as a crummy swiss cheese” would be without any holes whatsoever. So…yeah, that crook is dumb.

Right after this Spider-Man punches Hammerhead in the top of the head. It’s pretty cool, but he hurts his hand, commenting that “even with my power heightened by Doc Ock’s harness– that felt like I slammed into a brick wall!”. Pardon me? Did we not just learn last issue, to my infinite annoyance, that the harness was out of batteries or something? That Spider-Man’s strength was not augmented? If stupid-ass Gerry Conway is going to go out of the way to piss me off like that in one issue, it would be nice if he remembered it and stayed consistent in the next.

Hammerhead then shoots Spider-Man in the head. Lucky for Pete, none other than Dr. Octopus comes to his rescue, causing the bullet to simply graze him. To piss Hammerhead off even more, Doc Ock kills some of HH’s goons and declares an all-out gang war. As Ock takes off, Spidey is unconscious and at Hammerhead’s mercy. Since this is a Gerry Conway story, Pete obviously falls into a dream JUST LIKE IN EVERY OTHER ISSUE THIS GUY WRITES.

On to the Hammerhead origin story: some insane doctor that like to perform human experiments found a mob gunman beaten and near-death in an alley. He brought the man home and replaced his bones with steel. The end. Some other things we learn are that the Kingpin has been arrested in Vegas, leaving the town’s crime scene open for a new leader, and that Doc Ock is living in a house in Westchester with “some old broad”, possibly Aunt May.

Spider-Man ends up heading along to the house with the baddies. He breaks in, but his spider-sense doesn’t alert him to any danger when Aunt May cracks a vase over his head. He passes out…from a vase. Come on. This is Spider-Man and a piece of cheap china has taken him down. Give me a break.

The issue ends with Aunt May summoning Doc Ock to see what she’s done.

This issue was a slightly better than Conway’s normal fare, but I don’t think it was good enough to get up to three stars. So many things annoy me about this guy. Ugh.

Rating:

The Camera Doesn’t Lie

Deja Vu All Over Again
Story and art: Lee Weeks
Inks: Richard Case
Color Guides: Steve Buccellato
Originally published: October 2000

The second issue is kind of a bore. It’s Spidey basically moping around with very little action. He realizes he needs to have a responsibility to the ones he loves, including his unspoken promise to Capt. Stacy to take care of Gwen. By the time he comes to this realization, though, Gwen (and Harry and maybe MJ) are pretty pissed off at him. Meanwhile, Doc Ock is fixing his mechanical arms and preparing to make a comeback.

In the second issue, Doc Ock comes back and goes after Jameson. Spidey comes to the rescue, and basically uses the same chemical as last time to disable a couple of Ock’s mechanical arms. Spidey gets in a situation where he has to choose between rescuing JJJ from falling to his death or catching Octopus. Obviously he chooses to save Jonah.

These didn’t really live up to the promise of the first issue, but they were ok. Meh.

The Arms of Doctor Octopus!

Well folks, this is the beginning of a pretty huge event in Spider-Man’s history: the death of Captain George Stacy! The story opens with Doc Ock’s mechanical arms on display in a museum. Unbeknownst to anyone, Dr. Octopus – miles away in solitary confinement – has been practicing to extend the range of his mental control over the arms. Back in the museum, the arms suddenly spring to life under Ock’s mental commands and make their escape. Outside Spidey tries to stop them, but is forced to let them escape when a damaged building threatens the lives of some innocent bystanders.

Later, Peter sees Gwen at school and gets chewed out by Professor Warren for missing so much class and letting his grades slip.

Also later, Doc Ock’s arms reach his prison, break in, and bust him out.

Also later, J. Jonah Jameson and his son Col. John Jameson prepare to board a Pentagon 747 flying a General Su from Chicago to the UN in New York. As the plane takes off, it picks up an unexpected guest – Doc Ock, who clings to the exterior and then forces his way in through the luggage hold. He busts in, quickly incapacitates the MPs stationed on the plane, and captures a miscellaneous ununiformed woman – I guess she’s a flight attendant or something, which seems weird on a military flight.

The thing is, Octopus didn’t even realize the significance of the flight he hijacked. It’s only when one of the pilots slips up that he realizes General Su (a terrible stereotype, BTW) is even onboard. When he does find out, though, visions of ransom start dancing through his head. He demands to be met with $10 million upon landing.

Upon hearing the news, Robbie Robertson and Peter rush to the airport – to get the scoop, but also concerned that harm to the General Su could start a war. When they get to JFK airport they find none other than Capt. Stacy. To make matters more complicated, the airport is also filled with demonstrators protesting both for and against Su.

Pete knows that he must do something. He changes into Spider-Man and manages to make his way on top of the landed plane. He’s able to quickly sneak aboard and blind Ock with some webbing. It’s enough for him to briefly release his hostages, but it also really pisses him off. While pummeling Spider-Man, Ock manages to get some of his tentacles into the cockpit, and begins to actually pilot the plane down the runway. Realizing how crazy dangerous this is, Spider-Man bails – jumps right out of the moving plane – right before the plane explodes in a huge ball of fire!

Almost everyone assumes Doc Ock died in the blaze, but Spidey questions whether they can actually be certain of that.

Great issue! Even without my foreknowledge about how this is all going to end, you do get this sense that everything’s building up to something big. Sure, this issue could be a stand-alone, but there are enough loose threads that you get a feeling something bigger is in the works.

(BTW, there’s nothing in this that contradicts any of my order from my last post.)

Rating:

Focus

Cool issue, looking at Pete’s efforts to come to terms with Stacy’s death. He’s busted up, and as Spidey he goes on a rampage through the city’s crooks, looking for info on Doc Ock. At the same time, Jameson is inconsolable. Not a whole hell of a lot happens in this issue, but it’s well written and does a good job looking at the emotions of the characters following this event.

Rating:

Family Business

Post Mortem
Authors: Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning
Illustrator: Dale Eaglesham
Embellisher: Scott Koblish
Color Artists: Justin Gabrie, Colin Jorgensen
Letterer: Bill Oakley
Originally published: January 1995

In Memoriam
Authors: Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning
Illustrator: Dale Eaglesham
Embellisher: Scott Koblish
Color Artists: Justin Gabrie, Colin Jorgensen
Letterers: Susan Crespi, Jim Novak, Bill Oakley
Originally published: February 1995

Fire With Fire
Authors: Dan Abnett, Andy Lanning
Illustrator: Dale Eaglesham
Embellisher: Scott Koblish
Color Artist: Colin Jorgensen
Letterer: Bill Oakley
Originally published: March 1995

I’ve never read any Punisher before, so I don’t know how this compares. What I do know, though, is that this series is all kinds of awful. I started off hating this on the first panel, and I never stopped once.

Who starts a story with “meanwhile”? That’s fucking pretentious and annoying. And then it ends with fucking “meanwhile” too? Give me a break.

The narration is cloying and incredibly overused; if you’re showing me what’s happening, you don’t need to tell me as well. It also switches back and forth between third-person/omniscient and first person (more than one character in first person, at that). That’s a tricky thing to pull off well, and this book doesn’t even come close. Total fail.

The art is bad. At first I was going to give it the benefit of the doubt, and say it was just a style I’m not fond of. Then I started noticing that every panel is incredibly cluttered and has shitty composition. There are a ton of panels that just look like they’ve been cut in half. I’m sure it’s supposed to be artsy, but it’s just annoying. Then there are the lines. There is so much fucking crosshatching and other stray random lines in this crap that every character looks like they’re 120 years old. It’s insane. Add to that the fact that the artist doesn’t seem to understand basic human anatomy, and you’re looking at a fugly book.

Am I done complaining? No. The dialogue is atrocious as well. One of the two-bit cops that finds the Castle family declares that it “looks like murder”. Oh really?! The bullet-riddled family didn’t die of natural causes? That’s some fine police-work. Why should I have to suffer through that nonsense? It’s a throwaway line that’s infuriating and unnecessary.

More stupid: Miles Warren, Peter Parker’s science teacher from ESU, is called in to Mt. Sinai to take care of Frank Castle. Because science teachers and medical doctors are interchangeable, and because hospitals routinely call in non-employees to work – no concern for insurance, standards, etc. And how do they address this glaring, ridiculous plot hole? Like this:

Other than throwing in a familiar name (and an absolutely terrible “jackal” joke), there seems to be absolutely no reason for Warren to be in this book.

Speaking of inconsistencies: From the get-go we’re told that only Frank Castle has survived the attack in Central Park. Then, a couple pages in, Miles Warren suddenly drops this bombshell: “The other survivor of the shooting, Forrest Hunt, is still hanging on…”. What the heck?! The cops didn’t even know about this? How inept are these people that they can’t figure out that a man is alive? Come on. I would say that this was some sort of cheap plot device, but then this Hunt guy dies a few pages later, without serving any purpose. So we have a completely unbelievable setup with absolutely no payoff.

I really could go on, but there’s no point. This just stinks. It’s terrible. It made me angry.

Peter Parker appears for a few panels in the second issue. He also acts completely out of character.

Rating: