The Strangest Teens of All

A fun little Team-Up-type tale pitting Spider-Man and the X-Men against Kraven and the Blob. The story had a nice pace, good action, and some cute foreshadowy jokes that I thought worked really well. I’m looking forward to the rest of this series, though I think the issues are spaced out chronologically, so I may not get to them for a bit.

This is set sometime after Spidey and the X-Men first meet, but I didn’t really put in the effort to figure out exactly where. Sometime while Pete’s dating Gwen.

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And Men Shall Call Him… Octopus!

This is a continuation of sorts of the story in ASM Annual 13. Here, Spidey fights Doc Ock some more. The issue as a whole largely fails, due to lackluster writing by Mantlo and incredible boring and occasionally muddled art by Buckler and Mooney. Nowhere near as good as the ASM Annual. The one point at which the book gets interesting is near the end, when Doctor Octopus starts becoming completely unhinged and starts talking to his arms and referring to him and them as “we” — very Hobbit/Lord of the Rings. It’s a nice touch, but it doesn’t save the issue.

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The Arms of Doctor Octopus

This was an awesome issue. Really great story. Seriously cool art in here, too. Kudos to everyone involved.

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Stan Lee Meets the Amazing Spider-Man

This issue is about Spidey wanting to quit super-heroing, and going to talk to Stan Lee about it. Alright, so…there’s no real reason this can’t be canon, since Stan Lee exists in the Marvel Universe — he even hosted Saturday Night Live back in that issue of Marvel Team-Up.

This was light-hearted, but for me…I dunno, most of the jokes fell flat. It wasn’t my cup of tea. The art, however, was really cool.

Seeing as how recently Spider-Man has kinda regained his motivation (post ASM-200), I don’t think this works quite right here. It should be moved back before that issue, possibly closer to Stan’s SNL appearance.

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This issue is even darker than the last, and I actually cringed and let out a little gasp while Ock was smashing Spidey into the ground. This was seriously affective.

About placement: my theory is that there are a few weeks between the first issue and the rest of the series. This is supported by a bunch of bits of evidence, and my own desire to have the first issue around the same time as the Superman thing. I don’t have an idea yet exactly where issues 2-5 should go, but after I read a few more issues of things I should have a decent idea, and then I’ll post a full explanation of my thinking.

Anyway, fantastic issue, a wonderful conclusion to a great series. I love that Haight only kinda redeemed himself, but was still a complete douchebag.

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For some reason this issue seemed tenser than the last few, which is not at all a bad thing. Ock commenting that the murder rate was going to go up, and later snapping the warden’s back, added to the dark feel of this issue. It all really worked.

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Still really great, still keeping my interest! Yeah, Vaughan! I really like the art, too, which certainly helps.

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I don’t have a lot to say about this issue, except that it continued to be great.

I’m beginning to doubt my placement, but I’ll address this later after I finish the rest of the series.

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For some reason I wasn’t looking forward to reading this. I didn’t realize it was Brian K. Vaughan, but as soon as I saw the credits, my feelings changed. I love Vaughan (usually), so my expectations shot up. This is often bad, because I end up being let down. Fortunately, however, this was not the case with Negative Exposure.

One issue down and I’m totally loving it!

Interesting note in terms of placement: this issue deals mainly with Doc Ock robbing the Metropolitan Museum of art. This, as main character Jeffrey Haight points out, is “weird, Ock’s crimes are usually science-related.” However, when did we recently see Ock robbing a museum? In Superman vs the Amazing Spider-Man! Could this be the way that event went down in the “fixed”, non-merged universe? I think so! That means the Hostess ad is probably slightly misplaced, but that’s ok.

Anyway, this issue was awesome and I’m really looking forward to the rest.

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The Battle of the Century!

Here’s why I am considering this story canon:

1. Wikipedia says the whole Marvel/DC thing with the brothers starts because they become aware of each other due to previous crossovers. This is a previous crossover, meaning it has some bearing on that event and can be considered to have happened in some form.
2. Uatu makes reference to this crossover in What If? v1 #1, saying “and, doubts exist as to whether Spider-Man’s spectacular bout with a certain colorfully-clad alien took place in this time continuum or another”, which I think allows lots of wiggle room.
3. Access (Axel Asher) can solve any results from this because he can time travel and he loves fixing universes. Just because we haven’t seen the merged universes get repaired, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Is my placement right? I think it could be. We’re at a fairly large break in terms of the story in Amazing, and this book is explicitly set in the winter. I think it all works. Betty Brant and Ned Leeds are at the World News Conference, but this may be a small business trip away from Paris, or it could be a result of the crazy world-merging. I think I’m good for placement.

The story is split into three prologues (one for Superman, one for Spider-Man, and one for Luthor and Doc Ock), then four chapters of main story, and an epilogue.

This issue is f-ing badass. The art is fantastic! Doc Ock has a really sweet “flying octopus” ship, MJ & Lois go to outer space, Superman uses a sonic wave to counteract a tsunami. Ugh, this thing just rocks the whole way through.

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Arm-in-Arm-in-Arm-in-Arm-in-Arm-in-Arm with Doctor Octopus

Well, the explanation for Hammerhead is that the nuclear explosion made him “out of phase”. Fine. That’s terrible, but I guess no more insane than a radioactive spider giving somebody super powers. I just hate when characters come back to life when they really, truly should be dead. It would be more palatable if either Doc Ock or Hammerhead to return, but for both to survive a nuclear explosion — in completely different ways, mind you — is just annoying.

Hammerhead is supposedly killed off again in this issue, but I definitely don’t believe it.

The one kind of cool thing was seeing Spider-Man and Doc Ock team up a little bit to fight Hammerhead and protect Aunt May. Unfortunately, this was stretched to a somewhat incredible point. Doc Ock is Spider-Man’s arch-enemy. He killed Capt. Stacy, he’s kidnapped Aunt May (and in the past, intended to kill her), and he’s fought Spidey a number of times. Having them help each other in a fight is one thing, but having them actually become a team is ridiculous. Especially against a villain like Hammerhead who, despite what Len and others try to tell us, is really not that intimidating. Spidey should easily be able to take him out alone. It just pissed me off.

On the upside – the Kingpin has and is restoring the Spider-Mobile!

I think I’m going to add the first Spidey/Superman crossover story in here, treat it as canon and part of the whole Amalgam thing. It features Doc Ock, and would kinda/sorta give an explanation for why we don’t see Ock for ages after this.

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Hammerhead is Out!

Ugh. Spiderweb parachutes are bad enough, but a web hang-glider? Fuck me. I also hope there’s a better explanation for Hammerhead’s reappearance than “particle accelerators bring ghosts back to life”.

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The Ghost that Haunted Octopus!

This supposedly takes place in late winter? Crazy. We were just at August 27, the Leeds/Brant wedding date. I think I’ll just ignore that, since it seems to be right after the last issue. The Official Marvel Index says to treat it like a cold spell in late August, which I guess I’ll have to do.

Spidey goes after the Spider-Mobile– but doesn’t find it. Where could it have gone? Will I get to see it again?

Harry has a different look to him. He’s softer looking, but also crazier looking (thanks in part to orange eyes – nice one, Glynis!). I likes it. Also, Liz and Harry start to hook up, which could be interesting. Isn’t poor Flash ever gonna get any lovin’?

So, Len Wein wants us to believe that Doc Ock’s mechanical arms, wrapped around his body, saved him from a nuclear explosion. That is insane. It instantly causes this book to get a low rating from me. If they were going to bring back Octopus, I think they could have done it in a cooler, or at least more believable, way. The overly long and drawn-out chase scene doesn’t help things; this issue was just kind of a stinker.

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On a Clear Day, You Can See…The Mirage!

Betty and Ned finally get married, but things obviously can’t go totally smoothly for friends of Peter Parker. Their wedding is interrupted by a new villain named Mirage, who was little more than a thief with some fancy toys. It’s kind of a shame that such a big event was marred by such a lame crook.

We also find out the identity of the “Bowery derelict” that’s been popping up lately – none other than a still-living Dr. Octopus! Well, that certainly didn’t take long. I’m am very, very curious how this bozo survived being at ground zero of a nuclear explosion.

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The Sandman Always Strikes Twice

More continuity notes: this issue, and therefore Amazing 153 have to come after Team-Up 39 & 40 (as they now do). Since so much stuff is screwed up, here’s how I think my list should have looked:

• ASM 150
• (ASM 151 incinerator scene)
• SPEC 217/2
• ASM 400/2
• SM 57/2
• SPECT 223/2
• MTU 36-38
• ASM 151 (the rest)
• ASM 152
• DD 135
• HTD 1
• MTU 39/40
• A 144
• (HTD 10)
• DHKF 21
• ASM 153
• ASM 154
• IF 8
• ASM 155

Anyway, whatever. Onto the Sandman story. Sandman looks really weird in this issue. Sal Buscema totally didn’t have a grip on him. The issue was ok, but more interesting for hints it gave at upcoming stuff, rather than what was actually here. Seeing the Sandman get cryogenically frozen was pretty cool.

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Shattered by the Shocker!

• Finally back to in-order stuff. I really blew it with all the clone shit. Oh well.
• I don’t trust Harry Osborn one bit.
• The Shocker didn’t really do anything to spectacular. Now that some of the villains (Green Goblin, Jackal, etc.) have been worked into overall character arcs, normal run-of-the-mill villains like the Shocker just aren’t that interesting. I don’t really want action for action’s sake, I want it to affect the overall story.
• The story featured a cafeteria worker that looks kinda like George Bush:

  

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My Uncle…My Enemy?

They keep switching up Rimbaud’s first name. First it was Jean-Pierre, then Albert, now Arthur.

So, here’s the deal: Aunt May inherited something good, and that’s what both Doc Ock and Hammerhead are after. Rimbaud was a lawyer, as you may recall, that knew about it and was going to tell Peter. Naturally, Ock had Rimbaud killed to keep the inheritance on the down-low. And what is this inheritance? It’s kind of cool, actually: a Canadian island housing “one of the world’s most sophisticated nuclear breeding reactors”, “the most modern privately-owned atomic processing plant in the world.”

The whole island, including Hammerhead and Dr. Octopus, goes up in a giant nuclear explosion. It’s almost a given that they’ve survived, but I’d really like to see an explanation as to how. I hope they at least stay dead for awhile. A lot of people have been dying lately, it’s nuts.

This episode would be pretty good, if it didn’t involve Spider-Man flying a plane. That stretches my belief.

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Betrayed!

Spider-Mobile is finally done, and it’s a beaut! The best part about it is that Spider-Man doesn’t even know how to drive!

Ok, so there’s stuff going on here between the Jackal and Hammerhead, but then Doc Ock also makes an appearance. And what does he let slip? That Rimbaud, the mysterious man in Montreal from Amazing 120, knew something of Ock’s master plan. Very interesting! But, what did he want with May Parker?! Well, we find out with a fantastic cliffhanger– Doc Ock marries Aunt May! Crazy! (Although, I’m still not sure how Rimbaud fit in.)

Great issue! Conway, I think, is finally getting into the swing of things (ugh, sorry).

Rating:

The Day She Died

I already wrote a review of this and it got deleted. I don’t feel like rewriting it, so here’s the summary: no good. I had high expectations after reading the other Marvels issues and after reading the Amazing Spider-Man stories this was based on. Unfortunately, this issue didn’t live up to either.

(Update: According the Chronology Project, Clark Kent is in this issue. I think I see who they’re talking about, so I’ve given this review a Superman tag.)

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The Last Battle!

Hammerhead and his men bust into the house to fight Doc Ock, who runs into a secured control room. Eventually they get in there too, so Ock fights a bit and then runs off again.

Elsewhere in the house, Aunt May has knocked out Spider-Man but he is starting to come to. It’s bullshit that his spider sense didn’t warn him of Aunt May’s attack, and it’s bullshit that an elderly woman with a vase could knock him out. When he wakes up he needs to hold on to some curtains for support and says that his skull feels like it had a run-in with a Mack truck or a bulldozer. Really? From a vase wielded by an old lady? Come on, man.

Meanwhile, Gwen Stacy and Robbie Robertson are trying to track down Peter. Thanks to a tip from Ned Leeds, they head off towards the Westchester mansion where all the action is.

Back at the house, Spidey tangles with Hammerhead. That guy has apparently stolen something important from Dr. Octopus’s control room, but he takes off before we find out what. A headbutt from Hammerhead has apparently “snapped [Spidey's] stomach-muscles” (WTF?) and aggravated his ulcer, so now Petey is in some pain.

This pain miraculously self-heals long enough for Spider-Man to fight Dr. Octopus who, we discover, is in love with Aunt May. Although Spider-Man is able to beat the crap out of Ock, May pulls a gun on him before he can finish things off. Startled by a police siren, May actually fires at her nephew. Fortunately her aim is off and Spider-Man is given a chance to escape.

The cops haul away all the baddies. As Octopus is being taken away in cuffs he asks May Parker to stay and look after the house for him. She accepts, and tells Pete and the gang that she won’t be returning to the city with them.

I still hate Gerry Conway. Why can he not handle simple things like maintaining continuity and consistent characterization? Do snapped muscles – something that sounds quite serious – really just feel better because you will them to? Would Aunt May really pull a gun on anyone, even Spider-Man? Would a conscious Doctor Octopus really agree to be lead away by the cops, while his mechanical arms were only a short distance away? So many plot holes and unbelievable developments – coupled with Conway’s infuriating narration – basically make this story impossible to enjoy. Unless you’re stupid.

Romita’s art is great as usual, so that also makes it slightly more tolerable.

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Gang War, Shmang War! What I Want to Know is…Who the Heck is Hammerhead?

Picking up where the last issue left off: Doctor Octopus is unconscious (or at least defeated) on the ground, Spidey is standing over him, and Hammerhead and his men have just shown up to try and shoot the crap out of them both.

I have a problem with this panel. I recently read that the quality of swiss cheese is determined by the number and size of holes it has, with more/bigger holes being better. So “as fulla holes as a crummy swiss cheese” would be without any holes whatsoever. So…yeah, that crook is dumb.

Right after this Spider-Man punches Hammerhead in the top of the head. It’s pretty cool, but he hurts his hand, commenting that “even with my power heightened by Doc Ock’s harness– that felt like I slammed into a brick wall!”. Pardon me? Did we not just learn last issue, to my infinite annoyance, that the harness was out of batteries or something? That Spider-Man’s strength was not augmented? If stupid-ass Gerry Conway is going to go out of the way to piss me off like that in one issue, it would be nice if he remembered it and stayed consistent in the next.

Hammerhead then shoots Spider-Man in the head. Lucky for Pete, none other than Dr. Octopus comes to his rescue, causing the bullet to simply graze him. To piss Hammerhead off even more, Doc Ock kills some of HH’s goons and declares an all-out gang war. As Ock takes off, Spidey is unconscious and at Hammerhead’s mercy. Since this is a Gerry Conway story, Pete obviously falls into a dream JUST LIKE IN EVERY OTHER ISSUE THIS GUY WRITES.

On to the Hammerhead origin story: some insane doctor that like to perform human experiments found a mob gunman beaten and near-death in an alley. He brought the man home and replaced his bones with steel. The end. Some other things we learn are that the Kingpin has been arrested in Vegas, leaving the town’s crime scene open for a new leader, and that Doc Ock is living in a house in Westchester with “some old broad”, possibly Aunt May.

Spider-Man ends up heading along to the house with the baddies. He breaks in, but his spider-sense doesn’t alert him to any danger when Aunt May cracks a vase over his head. He passes out…from a vase. Come on. This is Spider-Man and a piece of cheap china has taken him down. Give me a break.

The issue ends with Aunt May summoning Doc Ock to see what she’s done.

This issue was a slightly better than Conway’s normal fare, but I don’t think it was good enough to get up to three stars. So many things annoy me about this guy. Ugh.

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They Call the Doctor…Octopus!

Doc Ock is back and this issue starts out with a big fight, during which Spidey is unmasked. Luckily, through some quick thinking, he’s able to temporarily blind Ock with some webbing. This gives him enough time to escape with his secret intact. Soon after this close call, though, Pete begins suffering from incredible stomach cramps. He chalks it up to not taking care of himself – constant worry, lack of sleep and food – and heads home to rest it off. Harry and Gwen get Doc Bromwell over, and he diagnoses Peter with nervous exhaustion and an ulcer. The poor kid.

Interesting note on the art – I’m pretty sure that nobody’s ever had nipples in Spidey comics before now. But there they are when Pete takes his shirt off for the doctor, clearly visible. Woot. He doesn’t seem to have a belly button, though.

Octopus’s plan is kind of mysterious, but it somehow involves a ‘Mister H’. This Mister H seems to be some kind of crime boss, and he’s preparing a trap for Octopus. Doc Ock figures it out, though, and shows up fighting. We don’t really see in detail how it turns out, but Dr. Octopus comes out on top.

Later, Ned Leeds gets a lead on where Aunt May might be, so Peter heads off to find her. As Spider-Man, which makes no sense. He even has to steal a new mask from a costume shop, because his got lost in the fight and picked up by Randy Robertson. On his way to find Aunt May Spidey runs into Ock again and they fight some more. Spider-Man is pretty weak, but he manages to find and strap himself into some kind of strength-augmenting harness that Octopus had one of his hoods using. With this new-found advantage Spidey is able to beat Ock. Oh, but what’s this? The harness had actually run out of power! Spider-Man did it all on its own! Oh my gosh how nice! WHAT. THE. EFF. That’s the lamest. Why even include the damn harness in the story then? Ugh I hate trite garbage like that.

After the fight with Doctor Octopus, Mister H shows up. He is Hammerhead, and seems to just want to run the crime in the city. Or something.

The writing in this had some potential, but it Conway kept ruining any momentum he had going. The Mister H stuff with Doc Ock was pretty interesting, and I was digging the mystery, but that got abandoned fairly quickly. Conway focused on Spider-Man’s troubles – his health, his Aunt May, his issues with Doc Ock – even though these were far less interesting than the Hammerhead/Doctor Octopus back story. The writing was also marred by Conway’s hamfisted, melodramatic, over-the-top narration. Thankfully this didn’t appear often, but it was still far more often than I’d like. Then there was that bullshit with the harness…

I would like to give this issue a good rating, but the problems were just too much for me.

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Spidey Cops Out!

We start with Spidey dropping an unconscious Gibbon off at the hospital, then get two pages of flashback through his life. It’s total filler and really boring.

This issue doesn’t really start until halfway down the fourth page, which just makes me angry. Spider-Man is looking for Aunt May and decides not to get involved with some crimes he sees on the way. He’s pretty selfish, but that’s not too unusual for Peter. Selfish and paranoid, that’s Pete.

This issues sucks, man. It’s all about Aunt May being missing. Can’t the old bird just go on vacation, have some fucking privacy? What the shit. And I have to deal with Conway and his damned “bright eyes” comments.

At the end, working under the assumption that May has been kidnapped, Spidey runs into Doc Ock.

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And Death Shall Come!

We open with Spider-Man realizing he has only a small amount of time to save himself before he is splattered on the pavement below. To complicate his predicament, he’s all out of web fluid. He is, however, able to grab onto some of Doc Ock’s tentacles and use them to swing through a window. He’s safe! Whew!

Spider-Man is able to hide in the building a get a brief reprieve from Dr. Octopus’s tentacles. He even is able to throw a spider tracer on them, so he can make sure to keep track of Ock later. Spidey decides that his best move for the time-being is to head home and get some rest. On the way home, Pete starts feeling ill. He runs into Captain George Stacy, who helps Peter home after the poor boy faints.

Pete wakes up to Gwen and her dad looking after him. He’s basically completely recovered. When Captain Stacy mentions this, it causes Pete to question how much Stacy has guessed about Pete’s secret identity. Pete goes back home and has an idea for how to defeat Doc Ock. He fills up his web shooters with a new web fluid he’s cooked up, but the exact nature of it remains a mystery. He also gives himself a new button to fire the fluid – right on his belt. Intriguing…

Spidey goes out to find Ock by following his spider tracer. He’s drawn towards a building where he finds – Doc Ock waiting for him! Ock found the tracer and laid a trap for Spidey, grabbing him as he approached. Ock proceeds to knock the crap out of Spidey up on the building’s roof. Luckily, Spider-Man eventually gets free, moves towards Ock and starts shooting webbing at his tentacles.

It take Ock a moment to realize that those tentacles will no longer obey him! That was Spidey’s secret plan! His webbing contained some sort of chemical that disrupted the signals from Ock’s brain. How did he come up with this? I’m not exactly sure. Seems kinda far-fetched. The afflicted tentacles start striking out randomly, then start attacking Doc Ock himself. This whole idea is really preposterous and just about ruins the whole issue for me.

Down below, Captain Stacy arrives among the crowd gathered below. Back on the roof, the tentacles are going nuts and smash the building’s chimney. The pieces of brick start falling to the ground, straight towards some stupid little kid. Captain Stacy jumps out and knocks the kid out of the way, but the bricks end up crushing Stacy!

Spidey rushes down to try and help Stacy, who is alive but incredibly weak. As he begins to rush Stacy to a doctor, we can hear the crowd in the background accusing Spider-Man of killing the retired captain. Stacy tells Spidey there’s no time, and begs him to be let down. As he’s dying, Stacy reveals that he knows that Spider-Man is really Peter, and asks Pete to take care of Gwen after he’s gone.

Stacy dies, and Spider-Man kinda flips out. He blames himself for Stacy’s death, and immediately draws parallels to his Uncle Ben’s death. This is not going to be good for Spidey’s psyche. As the issue ends, Spider-Man is holding Stacy’s body, wondering what will happen if Gwen learns that Peter caused her father’s death.

This issue was ok. I probably built it up a lot in my head, which is always a bad idea. I would probably give it four stars if it wasn’t for the completely unbelievable way in which Spider-Man was able to subdue Doctor Octopus. That really took me out of the story, and I think Stan probably could have come up with something a little better. Oh well, it is what it is – a classic issue that, like many others, has some flaws.

[Note on order: Captain Stacy mentions Pete's flu in this issue, and Pete remembers that the last time he saw Stacy he did indeed have the flu. This messes up having this issue (along with ASM 88 and 89) so far after ASM 87. That's not a huge deal, I can fit these in elsewhere I guess.]

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Dock Ock Lives!

Pencils by Gil Kane: cool. I didn’t know he worked on Spider-Man. The art in this is actually really cool. It’s so interesting to see how the style changes from one artist to the next, especially when I’ve been given time to get used to something. There some really neat composition here that I haven’t seen with Romita, Mooney, Buscema, etc.

So the title of this story pretty much clears up the cliffhanger from ASM 88 – Doc Ock is not dead, though Spider-Man does not yet know this. After picking up a copy of the Bugle, though, he quickly learns that no trace of Dr. Octopus was found in the plane wreckage – surely not a good sign.

As Pete is walking down the street he runs into Randy Robertson, who asks him to come to an air pollution protest that night – with Ralph Nader! Haha sweet. The pollution thing comes back later, as a total non-sequitur in a conversation between Robbie and JJJ. I guess pollution was really on Stan’s mind this issue.

Anyway it turns out Doc Ock is about 3 feet from Peter, in an alley. Why Pete’s spider sense doesn’t kick in is a mystery, but one that will have to remain unsolved. Ock spouts off to himself about how important it is for people to think he’s dead – all the while basically standing out in the open, shouting. He then begins walking around very conspicuously on his metal arms, high above the city. Not a good plan, but fortunately for him nobody seems to catch on.

Eventually Spider-Man finds Ock – who seems to have changed his mind and wants Spidey to find him – destroying a power plant. They fight…and then fight some more…and then keep fighting. Seriously, this issue is pretty much all fighting. It’s a cool looking battle, but it does get a wee bit boring. The issue ends with Ock throwing Spider-Man off the side of a building, leaving him falling to his apparent death. In the teaser for the next issue we’re told that “death does come” – though cleverly it does not specify to whom.

After the really cool previous issue I was expecting more from this. I wanted followups on General Su and John Jameson, I wanted a better scheme from Ock than just trashing a building to attract Spidey’s attention. It’s kinda too bad, but I feel like they let the ball drop on this one a bit. And the pollution stuff was just kind of weird and out of place.

Hopefully the next issue, with it’s major happenings, will be an improvement.

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